David Bollig. Current boss of Shortarmguy.
Former child Hollywood Star. Probably best remembered for his brief
stint as Ronny Howard's stand-in on the Andy Griffith show. But after
Davey's cuteness faded, so did his acting career. He began to have
run-in's with the law and eventually became hooked on over the counter cough
medicine. Seeking to leave the glare of the Hollywood spotlight, David
moved to the Twin Cities where he decided to get into
business. Started his empire by doing hostile
takeovers of local sweatshops in the Minneapolis area. Got rich by designing and selling
novelty items that disparaged crippled people. They'd make products like bumper stickers with the slogan "Hire the Handicapped, they're fun to
watch!" Hired Shortarmguy because he was fun to
watch. Eventually, David took his company public and became a
Dot-Com Billionaire. His business practices have caused him to
lobby hard against the Americans with
Disabilities Act. His position is that he'll let the Handicapped work for him, but they
shouldn't be paid for it. "Those cripples already get more than they
deserve from the government. They're just lucky we don't make them wear the "dummy" signs around their necks any more."
David's favorite past-time is bringing his millionaire buddies to
Shortarmguy's desk and forcing him to do tricks. He'll exclaim "Stick
your hand in your mouth! Move your big thumb back and forth!! Wave
the little arm through the air really fast!" He'll then
clap his hands and bounce around with glee, never mindful of the welling tears
in Shortarmguy's eyes.
I hate Handicapped People!
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