Get Real With Shortarmguy

Shortarmguy's Opinions On Reality TV Shows

 

Get Real With Shortarmguy

December 15, 2003

This ending really sucked!!

I really didn't care for any of the final four, but  Sandra Diaz-Twine  just kind of back-doored her way in for the victory.  Same as Jenna Morasca did last season.    Although Sandra did get in a few cool fights with others in the tribe, she never did anything really clever to win.  It was more like the better players were flushed out and she was the last one left standing.  This show is going to start getting tiresome if this continues!!

We need a guy like Jon Dalton to win!!  Sure he was a snake and a bit of genius with the grandma dying trick, but he was a really great player.  There were many people who hated him early on, but somehow he was always able to stick around.  Every time it looked like the tribe was gong to go after him, he somehow spun the focus to someone else.  That's a player who deserved to win.

Darrah Johnson deserved the title more than Sandra did.  At least she won three immunity challenges in a row.  Plus, she exposed her boobies four or five times throughout the series and that gets my vote every time!!

The only one that Sandra deserved it more than was Lillian "Lill" Morris.  If I had to hear this Boy Scout leader whine and cry any more, I'd have to kick in my TV set.  They should have never let the Outcasts back in the game.   Biggest mistake the producers of the show have ever made!  Hopefully, they won't repeat it!

Even the reunion show was boring!!  

Next up is the Ultimate Survivor competition featuring past All Stars which ought to be very interesting!  If it's not, I'm turning in my official membership badge to the Survivor Fan Club.

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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December 4, 2003

We're down to the final week and it really seems like anyone's ball game!!

It's unbelievable that Jon Dalton has been able to stab so many people in the back and he probably has as much or more power as anyone in the game.  Christa Hastie and Sandra Diaz-Twine were so dumb to not vote Burton Roberts off in the last tribal council.  Jon swore to them he's take them to the Final Four and then voted Christa off the very next time they went.

Interesting how they're all so openly acknowledging lying to one another.  This game has really destroyed the concept that integrity will get you somewhere in life!!!

I did really like the swimming challenge in this episode.   Both Christa and Darrah Johnson lost their bikini tops and swam around with their boobies free floating.  Of course CBS fuzzed them out, but it still makes the competition so much more interesting!!  I noticed Jon Dalton getting an eyeful as well when Darrah came back on the boat!!!!  

I'm to the point that I don't really care who wins this season.  I don't like any of the remaining contestants.  It will suck if Burton or Lillian "Lill" Morris win however.  Since both have been voted off the island already, it will really kill the spirit of the game if one ends up the Ultimate Survivor.

Stay Tuned!!

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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November 27, 2003

Jon Dalton has officially become the snakiest contestant ever to play Survivor!  

This week's reward challenge was one of those which each of the Survivor's had a loved one visit the show.  Questions were asked and whichever couple matched answers correctly had the right to make another loved one take a step towards walking off the end of a plank into the ocean.  The last remaining visitor standing was able to spend the night with their loved one.

Jon's buddy or gay lover or whoever he was comes out and tells Jon that he had to come in place of his grandma because she died.  Jon proceeded to cry and guilt other Survivors into not having his lover go swimming.  The rest of the Balboa tribe decided it was more important for Jon to hear more details about his grandma's death, rather than spend time with their loved ones.

Turns out, it was all an act.  The sinister little bastard not only was smart enough to make something like this up, but he had the foresight to plan it with his buddy weeks in advance!  Absolutely fricking genius!

Then Jon further proved his powers of persuasion by convincing Christa Hastie and Sandra Diaz-Twine that he wouldn't stab them in the back yet again.  Instead of voting for  Burton Roberts, they all went after Tijuana Bradley.  

Not since the very first Survivor when Richard Hatch won the whole shooting match has a snake been able to slime his way to a victory.  Jon Dalton may just enough venom in him to pull it off!!!!!

Stay tuned!

 

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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November 22, 2003

Rupert Boneham ruined everything!  Rupert was everyone's Hero and then blew it!!  

Rupert came on to the show and won people's hearts by being a big, fuzzy Hagrid type person who was a great leader, competitor and provider for his tribe.  He seemed to be a pretty compassionate fellow and an overall good guy.

When he first started whining about Burton and Shawn picking on him, I felt kind of bad for him.  He lamented how they made him feel like the fat kid again being singled out by the jocks for ridicule and teasing. 

Then came the incident where Jon Dalton dared to vote for Rupert.  Grizzly Adams blew his top and showed his true colors by having the biggest tantrum ever seen on Survivor.  He screamed, and hollered, and threatened, and intimated, and basically scared the life out of his much smaller tribes mate.

Ever since that point, Rupert showed an arrogance which wasn't evident earlier in the game.  It's like he forgot the rules Outwit, Outlast, and Outplay.  Rupert, you gave the tribe fish and you were a very strong competitor.  But to win the game, you needed to forge alliances with everybody there.  You depended too much on your alliance with Christa Hastie and Sandra Diaz-Twine and alienated almost everyone else.  Burton Roberts and Lillian "Lill" Morris had other ideas which didn't include you.  Tijuana Bradley and Darrah Johnson would do anything to stay alive.

Rupert, you blew it with your tribe by assuming they needed you more than they did.

Rupert, you blew it with America by being a cry baby and sore loser when you were voted off the island. 

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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November 13, 2003

So everyone is talking about ganging up against Rupert Boneham, but nobody has the balls to put a rock in his box for the immunity challenge?  Pretty tough to get him off the island if you can't vote for him!!

Bunch of interesting little alliances taking place.   Burton Roberts and Lillian "Lill" Morris.  Perhaps a little scene similar to The Graduate will be forthcoming?  And when Christa Hastie and Sandra Diaz-Twine  were plotting in the ocean together, I thought for sure we were going to see some bath time action similar to Jenna and Heidi from last season, but no such luck.

Jon Dalton seems like he'll line up with whoever, so it should be cool to see when he gets voted off for putting his foot in his mouth.

Funniest moment of the week was when Tijuana Bradley and Darrah Johnson were both complaining about how Drake likes to work way too much and it's unnecessary.  They said Morgan all worked together to get things done and it was a better system.  Uhh, ladies.  Didn't your tribe just about starve to death?

There was no Morgan loyalty whatsoever when every member of the Balboa tribe voted for Ryan Opray.  I have to think that Darrah and Tijuana will be next on the chopping block, but next week's previews are acting like there's going to be a big surprise at tribal Council.

I gotta tell you, if it's Rupert, it's not that shocking.  Stay tuned!

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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November 6, 2003

Well, Part 2 of the Misfits return to the game episode was pretty cool!

There's many people bitching across the internet that Survivor has "Jumped the Shark" by letting people already voted of the island back into the game, but I thought it was a good twist.  It was fun watching the Outcasts compete with such vengeance to win a place back in the tribes.   I only wish the producers could figure out a way to get Jenna and Heidi back into the Game!  This show needs some more exhibitionism again!!!

I think Burton Roberts has a good shot to go all the way, especially since he's made peace with Rupert Boneham.   I especially liked when the Big Bear Rupert was whining about why he previously voted for Burton because he made him feel like the fat kid being picked on by the jocks again.  It was quite touching.

Jon Dalton's annoying habits will get him voted off soon.  He's just too cocky. I don't think he'll go next week since I think the original Drakes will want one more Morgan gone before turning on themselves again.

Andrew M. Savage deserved to go.  He made a critical mistake with Lillian "Lill" Morris by not trying to make peace with her when she came back into the game.  You just can't assume anything in this game and bridges burned in the past may turn out to have been the passage-way to victory.

I'm back to thinking Rupert's going to win the whole thing, but as I proved last season, I've been wrong many, many times before.

Let's just hope there's another shower scene with Darrah Johnson again soon else this show risks losing it's favored status from the perverts of the world.

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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October 30, 2003

What a wild and crazy twist this week!  They let the losers back in the game to shake things up!  And every Survivor message board on the internet is bitching about it!!

The episode started out with Rupert Boneham going ape-shit on Jon Dalton.  He literally screamed at him for voting for him in the previous tribal council.  Hey, Rupert it's only a game! Sometimes people will vote for you just because they think you're too powerful.  This may be the first Survivor where the winner simply intimidates everyone else so much that they'll be afraid to vote for him!!!

The immunity challenge came and brought the unexpected twist.  All contestants who had been previously voted off the island were brought back as a third tribe called the Outcasts and were allowed to compete for the chance to send up to two people back into the game.  They won....

The two tribes both had to vote someone to leave the game.

Shawn Cohen was humiliated by Jon and was almost brought to raining physical violence on the little loud-mouth.  But in the end, Johnny Fairplay, avoided a butt kicking and Shawn ends up being the one going home.

Osten Taylor made history by being the first survivor contestant to quit.  I'm sure his family and friends are real proud of this achievement.    

Next week will give us the Outcast vote on who gets to come back into the game.

Oughta be a hoot....

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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October 26, 2003

Trish Dunn bit the big one this week.  No big loss.  I hardly even knew she was on the show.  She should have got naked way more often to boost her popularity!!

Trish turned on the big bear, Rupert Boneham, and he bit back hard!  Turns out Christa Hastie and Sandra Diaz-Twine are pretty loyal to his hairy highness.  

I actually thought Ms Dunn had a good point.  It would have been a shrewd idea for the rest of them to kick Rupert out because he's more popular than any of them and physically he runs rings around the rest of the tribe.  Partnering with the perpetual Goofball, Jon Dalton, probably wasn't her wisest of moves, though.

Osten Taylor proved once again that he must have glued those muscles on his body when he became terrified of a pelican and couldn't carry as much weight as Christa in the immunity challenge.  Did he buy that physique off the internet?  Should have picked up a dose of courage off the same order!

Next week's episode promises a great twist when people who have been kicked off the island get to come back into the game in some way.  Hopefully it's some sexual way, but I guess we'll have to stay tuned!

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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October 16, 2003

Rupert Boneham came to the Morgan Tribe and shaked shit up!!!  First things first, he said Let's Move The Campsite  out of the way of the rising tide, ya Big Dummies!  Of course,  Osten Taylor whined about it and tried to talk everyone out of doing it.  Claimed it was because he didn't want the creatures in the woods to get him, but I'm guessing he just didn't want to do the work.  How did this big pussy get such a strong build in the first place?  He's got the heart of a Toad.

 I think Ryan Opray is starting to show himself as another good candidate to root for...he seems like a pretty good guy.  Although he did lose a big fish that Rupert caught when he was trying to put it in a bag out in the middle of the water.  

Rupert was a Godsend to the Morgan tribe.  He taught them how to catch fish and gave them a bunch to start.  He also helped them win the reward challenge which involved rowing boats.  And all the perverts in the audience really appreciated this because the prize was a portable shower and the classy Survivor camera-men didn't miss a beat by video taping Darrah Johnson naked in the shower.  Good work, men.  Good work.

Jon Dalton is still a weirdo and I'm guessing his cocky attitude will make him a target for an early exit.  He thinks he's the puppet master, but I'm guessing someone else's hand will be in his butt before a few more weeks is up.

Michelle Tesauro left the island this week.  Apparently she could eat anything in the food challenge quicker than the other contestants, but was supposed to pretend she couldn't .  So she ate it at Tribal Council...   

Stay tuned until next week's episode...

 

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2. Christa Hastie  

3. Tijuana Bradley  

4.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Darrah Johnson  

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton  

5.  Ryan Opray

 

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October 9, 2003

Drake finally loses a challenge.  Oh sure, they may have thrown it intentionally, but I don't think Burton Roberts would have sat out had he known he was the one going home that night.  Why the hell would you throw a challenge anyways?  Losses have a tendency to repeat themselves, so why get one started on purpose?  Big dummies.

Speaking of big dummies, the Morgan tribe was seen trying to dig a ditch in the beach to protect their shelter from the rising tides.  Yeah, guys.  That's gonna work.

Rupert Boneham is still the heavy favorite to win the whole shooting match.  The smartest move Morgan has made so far in the series was selecting big Rupert to join their tribe for a few days. Maybe he can come into their tribe and show them how to make a better life for themselves on the island.  They sure haven't been able to do much by themselves.  

Austin Powers Osten Taylor proved once again that strength isn't only about muscles.  I'll bet he just loves seeing himself on national TV getting rescued from almost drowning.

My prediction held true!! I said Burton and Jon Dalton were the most likely to have a gay fling while staying on the island together.  This week it happened!!  They showed Jon running down the beach without his suit on and a second later he was in Burton's arms bobbing up and down in the water like a cork!

Now that Burton is gone, Which guy will Jon hook up with next?  

Stay tuned until next week's episode...

 

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2.Christa Hastie  

3. Michelle Tesauro 

4.  Darrah Johnson  

5. Tijuana Bradley  

6.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Ryan Opray

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

4.  Jon Dalton 

 

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October 2, 2003

This show is getting boring!!

Where are the bathing scenes with nude survivor girls happily washing each other's backs like there was in Survivor: The Amazon???  Where are the good fist fights?

Sandra Diaz-Twine  and Jon Dalton shouting the F word at each other a couple times just isn't going to cut it.  We want some action!!!

Osten Powers "Osten Taylorand Blackbeard Rupert Boneham going head to head in a rope holding contest was a little exciting, but nothing like the meat chomping contest in one of last season's episodes.

I do like the new policy of the winner of the reward challenge getting to steal an item from the other tribe.....that oughta breed some good resentment between the tribes which could create some sparks when the merger comes. 

The Morgan tribe is looking pretty pathetic at this point.  They don't have the leadership and heart that Drake does.  Big Rupert looks to provide that spirit which is why he's my early favorite to win the whole shooting match!

Lillian "Lill" Morris was voted off the island tonight.  Who cares?  

She freaked me out with her Boy Scout outfit and by crying all the time.  

Although sometimes..... late, late at night.    I will sneak into the basement of my house and dress up in an adult boy scout uniform.  And I weep softly to myself.

See you pirates next week...

 

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2.Christa Hastie  

3. Michelle Tesauro 

4.  Darrah Johnson  

5. Tijuana Bradley  

6.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Ryan Opray

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

Most likely to have a gay fling while staying on the island together

1.  Jon Dalton   

2. Burton Roberts  

 

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September 25, 2003

Things are getting rough on the Pearl Islands!!

Episode 2 showed many of the contestants bitching about how cold the island gets at night. Hey, Osten Powers "Osten Taylor"!  It might have have been wise to think  about your susceptibility to pneumonia before you went and sold all your clothes!!  Quit your whining about wanting to go home and show people that your heart and mind are as strong as that big ole body of yours!!

Candidates for this series biggest psychos so far are Rupert Boneham and Sandra Diaz-Twine.  Rupert freaked out on his tribe-mate, Shawn Cohen, for losing his spear.  Breaking sticks and screaming like a mad-mad, Rupert went wild.  Uhhh, Shawn, screwing with Grizzly Adam's food may not be a real bright idea.   

Sandra Diaz-Twine happily volunteered to be the one to pillage Morgan's campsite and steal their coveted tarp.  Uhhhh, Sandra, this isn't a real good way to make post-merger friends.  Just something to keep in mind for the future...

The Survivor people keep making this show more difficult to handle.  The challenges are more complicated than they ever have been in the past.  Dragging a treasure chest across the ocean floor?  Oh, that's real easy.

Poor Ryan Shoulders just couldn't keep up with the rest of his tribe and lost more than his share of challenges for Morgan, so they sent him packing.  Don't feel bad, Ryan.  Do you think Gervase Peterson would have lasted more than a day under these conditions?

Suggestions for future Survivor Pearl Island episodes:  

More humor and nudity, less belly-aching!!

 

Most likely to get naked on Survivor Pearl Islands

1. Rupert Boneham  

2.Christa Hastie  

3. Michelle Tesauro 

4.  Darrah Johnson  

5. Tijuana Bradley  

6.  Sandra Diaz-Twine  

Already have been nude on Survivor

1.  Ryan Opray

2.  Andrew M. Savage

3.  Osten Taylor

Most likely to have a gay fling while staying on the island together

1.  Jon Dalton   

2. Burton Roberts  

 

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September 18, 2003

I love Survivor!!!!  What a great opening show!

Making them all walk the plank with nothing but the clothes on their back was a nice twist!!  And Rupert Boneham stealing all the other team's shit was genius!!  

On a bit of a negative note, there was way too much wiener on this episode!  Three dudes tore off their shorts and competed in the immunity challenge with no clothes. What's up with guy's getting naked??  Bring back Jenna and Heidi!!

We even lose one of the girls who might have shed her clothes in future episodes.   Nicole Delma got the boot tonight and she was a real good stripper candidate!  Oh well, maybe Tijuana Bradley or Darrah Johnson will be the wild ones this season!

Either that or us perverts are just gonna have to settle for Rupert in a blue dress. 

**********

September 16, 2003

Survivor Pearl Island starts this week!!!  I can't wait!!!

I went to the Survivor website to get some initial impressions of some of the contestants.  I didn't read anything about them on the site or anywhere else, I only watched their audition tapes.  The following are my knee-jerk reactions to these short video clips.

Sandra Diaz-Twine --- This girl's got a big chip on her shoulder!!  Little bit pissed off that no-one will help her make her audition tape for Survivor.  Nominated for most likely to start a fistfight with a fellow tribe-mate.

Rupert Boneham --- This guy looks like Bluto on Prozac.  He's a bit on the scary side considering his audition tape shows him floating around a swamp catching little alligators and big turtles with his bare hands.  But he does have an extremely cute little girl and he seems like a good dad, so he must be all right!  I'm leaning towards him as a candidate for the final 4. 

Michelle Tesauro --- Dizzy Brunette.  Hope we get to see nude photos of her in Playboy!

Jon Dalton --- A door-knob who thinks he's good with the ladies.  Although it is possible that he might smoke enough weed to win a gold medal in Olympic snowboarding.

Christa Hastie --- Dizzy Blond.  Hope we get to see naked pictures of her in Playboy!

Burton Roberts ---  This guy paints himself as some kind of genius because he's an MBA and an Eagle Scout, but he can't figure out how to edit the crap off his audition video tape?  Seems like a moron to me!

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Get Real With Shortarmguy

To prepare for Survivor 7, Shortarmguy's Get Real Page previous to September 2003 has been archived here:

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