Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

So, of course, Fantasia Barrino wins the 2004 American Idol Crown!

It was down to two and I picked Diana DeGarmo.

My predictions were just terrible this year.   And I really didn't want Fantasia to win....she just bugged the crap out of me from Day 1.

My feelings are well documented in the archives if you care to read them, I'm just sick of talking about American Idol.  

This will end the Get Real column again for awhile....I'm sure all 2 of you in cyberspace who actually read my ramblings won't even miss this feature!  

But I'll keep doing it because, believe it or not, this column drives a bunch of new traffic to Shortarmguy.com!  There's just so many perverts out there searching for naked pictures of reality TV stars...

Don't believe me?  

Check out the top Reality TV Show phrases used to find this site:

Top Reality Show Searches Used To Find Shortarmguy.com in May, 2004

1. Diana Degarmo nude --- Warning to the perverts out there.  Diana is only 16!!  Search for older naked women, please.

2.  Jenna Morasca naked --- Much better.  She's old enough and has already appeared naked in Playboy.

3.  Latoya London nude --- She doesn't strike me as the type who will have nude pictures of herself released to the public, but keep searching.  Maybe someday they'll show up out there!

4.  Amber Brkich nude ---  Hey, good choice!  If any of you perverts find naked photos of her, I'd really like to see those too!

5.  Jenna Lewis handicapped --- Not sure I understand what the hell people are looking for with this one....but more than 60 people discovered Shortarmguy.com by searching for these exact words.

6.   Jasmine Trias nude  --- Careful again, fellas.  She's too young as well!

7.  Frenchie Davis nude --- There's 49 people who still care to see Frenchie in the buff?  There's a lot of strange ducks in this world!

See you next year!!!

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Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

I could care less who wins.  I never found any contestants I was rooting for beyond George Huff who petered out his last three or four weeks and Amy Adams who never had a chance to get anything started.   This just may be the Jump The Shark Season for American Idol because of the voting scandal and the blatant commercialization of every aspect of the show.  Watch them bring William Hung back as a judge next year..... 

1. Diana DeGarmo ---  Too Young And Annoying.  Great pipes, though.  I predict she'll win by carrying the teeny bopper vote over Fantasia...

2.   Fantasia Barrino --- Too Arrogant And Annoying.  Definitely has talent and some originality, but her personality just drives me bananas.

Voted Out This Week:  

  Jasmine Trias ---  Stayed in because she was young, cute, and obviously Hawaiians have nothing to do but vote on this crap TV.  I liked her personality, but her singing was just very ordinary.

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

 

Get Real With Shortarmguy

So Amber Brkich wins the million,  Boston Rob Mariano gets the girl, Rupert Boneham is given a million for being the most popular, and Jenna Lewis ends up looking like a Hooker on the reunion show.

All in all, All-Star Survivor was a pretty cool show!

Lex Van Der Berghe wins the sore loser award for not admitting that he would have done the exact same thing that Boston Rob did to almost win the game.  Because when Lex voted Ethan out of the game, it was so much more Honorable!

 Jerri Manthey and Jeff Probst probably had the best fight of the whole show however!  Apparently Jerri was belly-aching to TV Guide about how mean the audience treated her and how Probst should have stepped in there to help her.  Probst first gave her the opportunity to spout her nonsense about the fact that they're all people and how it's so tough to be criticized by the public.  Probst then pointed out the fact that none of them was contractually obligated to be there and how any of them could leave right then and there.  I'm kind of surprised he didn't say, Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out of it, Jerri!  

Jerri sure didn't seem to mind the public paying attention to her when she was paid big bucks to pose nude in Playboy!  

I guess that's one of the pitfalls of reality TV.  

If you're a real jerk in real life, people might notice.   

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Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

What a scam this show is becoming!  So the state of Hawaii was able to vote the weakest singer in to the Top 2?  I'd hate to see what would have happened had Don Ho entered the competition!  Tiny Bubbles would be the new number one hit on the pop charts!

1. Diana DeGarmo --- I had LaToya winning the whole thing and really dislike Fantasia's personality, so Diana moves up to the number 1 slot by default.  She has been improving over the past few weeks....but she sure isn't anywhere near as good as Reuben, Clay or Kelly Clarkson!  

2.   Fantasia Barrino --- Probably the best singer left in the contest, but her arrogant personality just really turns me off to her winning!  Judging from the fact that she's been in the bottom 2 twice now, it looks like I'm not the only one who feels that way!  

3.  Jasmine Trias --- Very cute, very, very lucky!  Her singing bores the pants off of me, but when she started crying after the judges ripped her up, I felt like voting for her as well! 

Voted Out This Week:  

LaToya London --- I really thought she was the best singer, but her personality (or lack there of) killed her chances.  The girl showed no emotion.  She gave no reason for people to rally behind her and get off their butts to pick up the phone to vote.  She'll get a record contract, but I don't think she'll enjoy universal love from the country like past contestants have. 

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

 

Get Real With Shortarmguy

Well, the Final 4 has been set!   Jenna Lewis, Amber Brkich, Rob Mariano, and Rupert Boneham will all battle it out tonight for who will be the Ultimate Survivor!

Rob and Amber stabbed  Big Tom Buchanan in the back to knock him off the island on the last episode, which gives them one more enemy on the jury.....but if they make it to the final two, one of them will have to be voted the winner!  I'm sure it will be an exciting tribal council, though, because Lex, Kathy, Alicia, and the rest are all going to want to make them squirm for their money!!!

Rupert may have a chance to win if he can hold out in the immunity challenges.  I think most of the jury would give it to him if he makes the final 2, therefore he'll be the biggest target to be voted off next.

I don't think Jenna has a chance regardless.  She's been annoying to most and I don't think she'd win a vote no matter who she went up against.  

They're publicizing a big twist in the show tonight.  My guess is that Boston Rob wins and then gives Amber a huge kiss.  Amber then smiles at him, drops her bikini bottom and reveals a huge weiner.  She's actually a man.  I think that would qualify as a shocking twist to end Survivor All Stars!!! 

But we shall see in just a few hours...

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Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

I'm done with this show!  I can now officially care less who wins.  I don't like any of the final contestants!

1.  LaToya London  --- Probably the best performer, but it's really hard for me to get excited to see a new Diva crowned Queen of Pop.

2.   Fantasia Barrino  --- Again, a decent singer.  But her arrogance just makes me cringe.  Plus, quit referencing every candidate who was voted off the week before to try to hustle their fans to vote for you!!  John Stevens sat me down and told me how to sing big band.  My ass he did!

3. Diana DeGarmo --- Her singing is ok, but her attitude is plain annoying!  It used to be kind of clever when contestants would do a hand signal as Seacrest read their number to call and vote.  Diana has sucked the innocence out of it!  Now it just seems stupid. 

4.  Jasmine Trias  --- Still the contestant I could probably get behind the most.  Very cute and sweet.  One problem.  Her singing bores me to tears!

Voted Out This Week:  

George Huff  --- Went much sooner than I was predicting, but I can understand it.  He hadn't had a powerful performance in weeks.  Back to working in restaurants for you, Huffman!

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

Get Real With Shortarmguy

All Star Survivors is really starting to suck!

Big shocker this week!  Shii Ann Huang was voted off the island!!  News at 11!

Everybody knew that she was gone! Didn't even have to watch the show to see that one coming. No amount of spinning by the producers could convince the audience that it might be Jenna Lewis' turn to go.  Shii Ann was annoying, she was out numbered and there was no way she was going to win two immunity challenges in a row.  

It's so obvious that Amber Brkich and Rob Mariano are playing everyone, yet no-one is making any moves against them.  It sure doesn't make for very compelling television.  

Even the reward challenge was extremely tired.  Let's get everyone's loved ones to visit and eat some really gross stuff and then have them compete to spend time with the tribe.  Boring!!!!!!

The only exciting part of this was when Rupert Boneham looked like he was going to consummate with his wife right in front of everyone.  He wanted to swallow her whole.

It was also somewhat funny when Big Tom Buchanan said he was disappointed when he found out his son was there.  He said he'd much rather have seen the boy's mother or his neighbor's sister.  Those backwoods fellows sure are classy!

Who's going to be voted off next week?  Who cares?  

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Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

1.  LaToya London  --- Back to the top.  Strongest vocal talent in the group.  I just wish she'd get the stick out of her butt!

2.   George Huff  --- Been slipping the past couple weeks.  I don't know why.  You think he'd be a natural with Barry Manilow and Gloria Estefan songs.

3. Diana DeGarmo --- the only one who has had improving performances the past couple of weeks.  Everybody else has been moving in the opposite direction.

4.  Fantasia Barrino --- Another performer who has been getting killed by the theme weeks.  Here's a crazy idea.  How about letting the contestants select songs that match their backgrounds better!

5.   Jasmine Trias  --- Very cute.  Nice voice.  The weakest lady vocalist left.  It was nice knowing you, Flower Girl!

Voted Out This Week:  

John Stevens --- I'm sure many in America were thinking that John should have been voted off last week.  Technically, he should have been voted out every week.  Hopefully, he can get some gigs at nursing homes singing his preferred songs. 

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

Get Real With Shortarmguy

  Shii Ann Huang  stands tall!  That must have been really, really tough to stand for over two hours with her hand in the air like that!  Rupert Boneham looked like he was dying trying to keep up with her.  Those big old bear arms of his must have felt like lead bricks!

  Sweet, little Amber Brkich couldn't last more than 15 minutes!!!  She probably quit early figuring her lover, "Boston" Rob Mariano, would figure out a way to keep her around even without immunity.  Nice that CBS was promoting a big rift between these two!  They must be learning false advertising promotional tactics from Fox Network!!

So Shii Ann wins immunity making the group members finally have to turn on themselves.  Alicia Calaway was a fine candidate to get rid of....she was such a sour person!  It was pretty funny watching her reaction when she discovered that her tribe-mates basically said she was a big dummy who didn't deserve to be a Survivor All Star!  She must have been so pleasant to be around after that!!

So who's going to be voted off next?  Odds are against Shii Ann sticking around unless she keeps winning immunity challenges.  Rupert would be considered a physical threat by many.  Jenna Lewis has to be annoying to keep around.   Big Tom Buchanan looks like he might be the odd man out as well since he was just shown making an alliance with Alicia.  Will anyone ever get smart enough to attempt a play against the Amber/Rob love circle?

And when are we going to get nude scenes again?  This season hasn't had any naked bathing scenes or stripping for chocolate and peanut butter!!  What's the problem Mark Burnett?  Where's the pervert content?? 

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

 

Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

1.  George Huff  --- He slipped a little this week, but seeing how the other top singers in this contest apparently placed this week, who else is there to put as the winner?

2.   LaToya London --- Bottom 3 this week?  Shocking! Yeah, John Stevens is a much better singer than LaToya is...

3. Fantasia Barrino --- Bottom 2 this week?  Surprising, but not absolutely out of the question.  She is a very talented singer, but her personality sure can rub people the wrong way sometimes.

4.  Jasmine Trias --- She had a nice performance this week, but her vocal range still isn't in the same league as the two ladies above.

5.  Diana DeGarmo --- She needed a knock-out performance this week to stay in the competition and she came up with one.  Will she be able to follow-up with another one this week?

6. John Stevens --- Oh, Mandy!  Please help me convince America to vote me out of this humiliation!

Voted Out This Week:  

Jennifer Hudson  --- Check my archives!  I'd predicted an early exit for Jennifer Hudson several times!  I'd started bumping her up my chart in the past few weeks because her vocal performances had been getting stronger and stronger.  I figured she'd split votes with Fantasia and LaToya because they have similar singing styles, but I can't figure out how all 3 of them ended up in the bottom 3.  Tornados in Chicago don't explain that!  And, please, don't go with the racism excuse like CNN is trying to stir up.  If American Idol fans are so racist, how is it that 4 of the final 7 contestants and last year's winner were black?

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

Get Real With Shortarmguy

What a boring episode!!  

It was so obvious that Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien was going to be voted off this week since her partner in crime Lex Van Der Berghe went last week.

Rob Mariano is continuing to crush everyone in the immunity challenges, plus he's getting to sleep with Amber Brkich at night.  The way the show makes it look, he also gets to have Jenna Lewis in the pile whenever he wants as well.  How lucky can one guy be?

The other contestants need to make a power play against The Robfather soon if they want to have a chance.

This show is going to start getting really boring unless Rupert Boneham and  Big Tom Buchanan  finally come out of the closet once and for all and announce their plans to marry at the show's conclusion.  Then, there can be couple's contests when Rupert and Tom challenge Rob and Amber to a French Kissing tournament.  Last couple standing get to automatically advance to the final two. 

Hopefully, Alicia Calaway and Shii Ann Huang decide they have some good kissing tongues as well and join in the competition.  Then this show will get exciting again.

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

 

Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

1.  George Huff  --- The soul man has moved to the top!  This show is amazing by the fact that it can turn a goofball like this into such a stud!  An incredible voice helps.

2.   LaToya London --- Continues her Diva ways with powerful vocals.  I don't think she'll win but she'll have a successful career after the show.     

3. Fantasia Barrino --- Great performance this week, but like Quentin said She needs to get Funky again!

4.   Jennifer Hudson  --- Moving up after Hudson conquered Houston.

5.  Jasmine Trias --- She may bow out earlier than this if she doesn't have a knock-out performance soon.

6. John Stevens --- His singing style has become tiresome.  I think he'll do well with this week since he should find a good Barry Manilow song that suits him.

7.  Diana DeGarmo --- Talented singer, but still not clicking with the audience.

Voted Out This Week:  

Jon Peter Lewis --- It's about time this meatball was voted off!  He was a dancing machine and people loved his goofy ways, but his singing was really starting to get painful.

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Get Real With Shortarmguy

The Robfather is ruthless!!!!

In last week's episode, Rob Mariano told Lex Van Der Berghe that if we would help Amber Brkich not get voted out, he'd help him later in the game.  So Lex and Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien  plotted to vote off Jerri Manthey instead of Amber.

Great move, Lex.  

Loyalty and believing promises are such an effective way to play Survivor. 

Not only did Rob totally screw him in the back by having everyone vote for Lex, Kathy screwed him in the front by telling him she was going to pass him the immunity necklace and then backed out.  Don't worry, Lex, that million dollar prize is really over-rated!

The only other exciting part of this episode was when Rupert Boneham won the big swimming challenge.  Grizzly Adams had the chance to take two tribe-mates with him.  Did he pick Rob and Lex who battled him closely in the challenge?  No.

Like a good pervert, he picked the hot chicks.  Amber and Jenna Lewis, you're coming with me.  Let me show you how I earned the name Boneham.

Big Tom Buchanan must have been so jealous.

 

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Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

1.  George Huff  --- The soul man has moved to the top!  This show is amazing by the fact that it can turn a goofball like this into such a stud!  An incredible voice helps.

2.   LaToya London --- Bottom three a couple weeks ago was just a fluke.  Perhaps people thought because she is so talented, she didn't need votes.   

3. Fantasia Barrino --- Powerful voice, but her sassy attitude is starting to become a real turn-off!

4.  Jasmine Trias --- Bottom 2 this week?  Too cute and too good of a singer for that to continue.

5.  Jon Peter Lewis --- Meatball #1.  Sounds like he's singing through his nose!  

6.   Jennifer Hudson  --- Awesome Circle Of Life performance saved her butt!

7. John Stevens --- Meatball # 2.  The only way these two fellows weren't in the bottom three is because the 12 year old girls need someone to vote for 

8.  Diana DeGarmo --- Talented singer, but just not clicking with the audience.

Voted Out This Week:  

 Camile Velasco --- She was sexy and had a smoky voice, but poor song selections and stage fright proved to be her downfall.  Plus, she cried just a bit too much!

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Get Real With Shortarmguy

The RobFather Gets To Flex His Muscles!!!

Rob Mariano has made Survivor history by actually influencing a vote which happens on the other tribe!  This is extremely impressive.  He may be the biggest Survivor stud ever after a move like this.  Plus, he's lucky enough to be having sex with Amber Brkich.  Bow down to him, men.  Bow Down.

So the silly producers mix up the tribes instead of opting for the merge.  By a weird twist of fate, the tribes remain nearly identical after the contestants pull colored buffs out of a bag.  The only one who switched groups is Amber...who has been doing the nasty with Rob.  Rob freaks out because naturally she'll be the first one voted out by that tribe when they go to tribal council.

So Rob goes to Lex Van Der Berghe and says that if he protects Amber, he'll protect him later in the game.  My guess is he also mentioned that if he doesn't get to have sex with Amber any more, he'd get to have sex with Lex.  They probably just edited that part out of the show.

So Lex goes to Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien and convinces her that for some odd reason, it would be in their best interest to vote out Jerri Manthey instead.  Because I'm sure Rob will be completely honorable when it comes time to re-pay the favor.

I think this move will create an inevitable backlash against Rob, because no-one is going to want to let Rob or Amber get much farther in the game since they obviously have such loyalty to one another which gives them a huge advantage as the tribe dwindles down to a few.  Should be interesting to see how it all plays out!    

Jenna Lewis, Big Tom Buchanan, and Rupert Boneham continue their flirting ways and are still working towards the inevitable threesome.

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Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

1.  Fantasia Barrino --- Consistent strong performances has caused me to switch from Latoya to Fantasia as the Eventual American Idol Winner!  

2.  George Huff --- This Soul Man Is Groovy! 

3. LaToya London --- Sure, she had a rough night, but bottom 3?  I don't think so!

4.  Jasmine Trias --- Bouncing Back from a weak performance.  Has the best smile in the bunch!

5.  Jon Peter Lewis --- Will do well in this contest simply for the fact that the millions of teeny boppers voting need someone to root for.

6.   Diana DeGarmo --- Great vocals, bad stage presence.

7. John Stevens --- My Girl sure didn't cut it!  Little John better find a way to mix it up so his Dean Martin/Frank Sinatra routine doesn't get stale.

8.  Camile Velasco --- Confidence picked up a bit, but proving she can't compete vocally with the best in this show.

9.  Jennifer Hudson --- I know she wasn't even in the bottom 3 this week, but I just a feeling that her days are numbered.

Voted Out This Week:  

  Amy Adams ---  I was sad to see Amy go this weekend.  I really thought it would be Jennifer Hudson's week.  I was pretty close since JHud was in the bottom 2.  Amy, I told you for weeks!  Pink hair turns people off because they don't take you seriously!  You should have shocked everyone and come in with a basic black hairdo this week!  It would have kept you in the competition for at least an additional 7 days!!!!!  Your voice was too good for you to exit this early! 

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Get Real With Shortarmguy

Since CBS did a cheesy re-cap special this week recycling old Survivor All-Star stories, I'm going to follow their lead and recycle last week's Get Real Column.

Stay tuned for next week's episode where Rob M dumps Amber for Alicia!

At least that's what my guess is for the bizarre twist they're advertising!

--------------------------------------

The final $1 million winner has fallen!  Ethan Zohn was chopped off at the knees by supposed friend, Lex Van Der Berghe.  Lex said it wasn't personal, it was a business decision.  Judging from Lex's appearance, his previous major business decision involved an eight ball of cocaine!

Ethan showed a bunch of class when he was voted off.  He reached up and kissed Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien  on the back of the head and hugged Jerri Manthey.  He shook hands with Lex and wished them all the best of luck.  Ethan really earned my respect during this show.  Not only was he a hell of a competitor athletically, he proved himself to be a really good sport.  This game is going to miss him.  

The cameras delved much deeper into the relationship of Amber Brkich and Rob Mariano.  Pretty exciting stuff.  

 Next week, they're going to show a really kinky threesome involving Jenna Lewis,   Big Tom Buchanan and Rupert Boneham.  For Jenna's sake, I hope she gets to be on top. 

    You're the man, Mark Burnett!!!!!

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

Shortarmguy's American Idol Predictions

1.  LaToya London --- Eventual American Idol Winner!

2.  George Huff --- The Soul Man Keeps Getting Stronger Every Week

3.  Fantasia Barrino --- Sassy Attitude and Powerful Vocals Moves Her Up The List This Week

4.  John Stevens --- Automatic Two Slot Drop Every Time This Kid Forgets His Lines

5.  Jasmine Trias --- Weaker Performance Than Expected This Week

6.  Jon Peter Lewis --- Bring Back The Groove Moves, Jon!

7.  Amy Adams --- Hot Song This Week!  3 Words, Amy:  Black Hair Dye  

8.  Diana DeGarmo --- America just must not like Diana for her to be in the bottom 3.  She was better than that.

9.  Camile Velasco --- Better find her confidence soon or she'll be bounced!

10.  Jennifer Hudson --- Strong Singer, but LaToya and Fantasia will steal her votes.

Voted Out This Week:  

Matthew Rogers --- His personality was fun, but vocally he was the weakest of the group.

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Get Real With Shortarmguy

The final $1 million winner has fallen!  Ethan Zohn was chopped off at the knees by supposed friend, Lex Van Der Berghe.  Lex said it wasn't personal, it was a business decision.  Judging from Lex's appearance, his previous major business decision involved an eight ball of cocaine!

Ethan showed a bunch of class when he was voted off.  He reached up and kissed Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien  on the back of the head and hugged Jerri Manthey.  He shook hands with Lex and wished them all the best of luck.  Ethan really earned my respect during this show.  Not only was he a hell of a competitor athletically, he proved himself to be a really good sport.  This game is going to miss him.  

The cameras delved much deeper into the relationship of Amber Brkich and Rob Mariano.  Pretty exciting stuff.  

 Next week, they're going to show a really kinky threesome involving Jenna Lewis,   Big Tom Buchanan and Rupert Boneham.  For Jenna's sake, I hope she gets to be on top. 

    You're the man, Mark Burnett!!!!!

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

Shortarmguy's American Idol Prediction In Reverse Order

1.  LaToya London --- Eventual American Idol Winner!

2. John Stevens --- He may drop if he gets too cocky

3.  Jasmine Trias --- Powerful voice and beautiful eyes

4.  George Huff --- The Soul Man

5.  Fantasia Barrino --- Her and LaToya will split votes and she'll go out earlier than expected.

6.  Jon Peter Lewis --- Just may dance his way higher up this list...

7.  Camile Velasco --- Sexy, smoky voice will shine if her confidence arrives

8.  Diana DeGarmo --- Can she ride a country wave higher than this?

9.  Amy Adams --- Beautiful voice, distracting pink hair.

10.  Matthew Rogers --- Will annoy people with his tough guy act.

11.  Jennifer Hudson --- Needs to figure out a way to stand out from the crowd vocally.

Which one of these contestants will be the first to have nude pictures of them appear on the internet a la Frenchie Davis from last season?  Stay tuned to find out.  Of course, Shortarmguy will post links to any naked photos that appear.  It's my duty as a journalist.

Get Real With Shortarmguy

This episode just drug on and on!!  What's the deal with a combined reward and immunity challenge??  We need two challenges to keep the show exciting!

Sorry, CBS, but the decision of who is going to be voted off between Colby Donaldson and Jerri Manthey just isn't that engaging to me!  Especially not engaging enough to warrant 15 minutes of analysis from fellow tribe members!!  Both of them are just a little too self-involved for my taste.

Colby ended up getting the boot.  Poor guy.  He'll just have to go back to doing Schick commercials and having millions of women drool over him.  

Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien seems to be emerging as the leader of the pack since she was so accepted by the other tribe when they brought her on the reward cruise.  I thought it was pretty cute when the Chapera tribe serenaded her.

  Ethan Zohn blew the challenge, but somehow managed to avoid blame.  Whatever happened to the big Jenna Lewis plan to vote off all the previous winners first?

And of course the big question is:  When do we get to see Amber Brkich naked?

I know that Big Tom Buchanan and  Rupert Boneham are dying to know.

If the previews for next week are any indication, Rob Mariano will get to see very, very soon.

And after voting Colby out, I think Jerri Manthey will offer Lex Van Der Berghe the same kind of treat.

You're the man, Mark Burnett!!!!!

Click Here For Shortarmguy's Get Real Archives!

 

Get Real With Shortarmguy

So the king's legacy lives on!  Richard Hatch is still controlling the game a week after he was voted off the island.  Sue Hawk was apparently traumatized by the gay guy's wiener rub!

She cried most of the episode and freaked out on Jeff Probst reminiscent of her tantrum at the end of Survivor #1.  My personal opinion is that her discomfort was an act of some sort.  Early in the episode she seemed hardly affected by the incident, but then the more she talked about it, the more upset she became.  My guess is that dollar signs started flashing through her head and she was thinking she could go after Richard, the producers of the show, and CBS.  

Once she was reunited with Richard, he probably apologized and made amends with her.  After all, these two go back several years now and I'm sure she's become quite accustomed to Richard's antics.  Besides, who doesn't enjoy a good wiener rub every now and then?

Big Tom Buchanan sure didn't seem to be too sad for Sue.  He probably hasn't danced like that since his last family reunion/orgy!

  Rob Mariano is still my favorite to win, but his arrogance is getting a bit grating.  I love it when he slams his opponents but his attitude that he has the entire game under his control just may bite him in the ass if other's pick that up on their radar.  His alliance with Amber Brkich, Rupert Boneham and Jenna Lewis will be interesting to watch.  Especially if the girls get naked.

Jerri Manthey and Lex Van Der Berghe have a new alliance as well.

Colby Donaldson and Ethan Zohn might get naked together as well.

Just another great episode of Survivor!

 

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They killed the King!!!!

How could they vote off Richard Hatch?  He was the Best Survivor Ever!

Oh sure, he was a big, creepy, gay guy who liked to whip his drawers off every chance he could, but who doesn't like to be naked?  I know I do.  I just probably wouldn't have the balls to do it on national TV prancing around like he was.  I especially liked it when he rubbed his wiener on Sue Hawk!  A classic Hatch tactic which ultimately proved unsuccessful at helping his tribe win the immunity challenge.  

Richard's tribe back-stabbed him in tribal council.  I'm not sure if Richard would consider calling his betrayal a back-stabbing, however.  I'm guessing gay men consider the phrase "back-stabbing" to be a good thing.   And what they did to Richard by voting him off was a very, very bad thing.

So with Richard gone, Rob Mariano moves up to be my un-questioned favorite Survivor contestant.  Not only do I like him because I strongly support him in his quest of attaining the Amber Brkich treasure, but I also really enjoy his smart-ass, sarcastic statements.  He's the tough guy I always looked up to when I was a kid... as he kicked my ass at the playground.  I also admired the way he challenged  the pretty boy combination of Colby Donaldson and Ethan Zohn at the knock me off a pole challenge.  Ethan shoved it back in his face, but he put Colby on his back and the publicly dissed him for it later!  

The big question for Survivor All Stars is....when are Jerri Manthey and Jenna Lewis going to get nude?  I'm hoping soon.

I'm guessing  Rupert Boneham and Big Tom Buchanan are hoping for soon as well.  

 

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 It must really suck to be on this show!  Those floods that the tribes had to deal with at the beginning of the show were brutal!

Saboga paid dearly for Rupert Boneham's little log cabin fiasco!  Great idea, Grizzly Adams.  Building a house with a basement on the beach is always a really wise move!  Jerri Manthey looks like she bore the brunt of living through a torrential rainstorm.  Said she knew what it must be like to go mad.....and she looked like it!  With bug bites all over her body and a severely broken spirit, I really thought she might be the second in a row to call it quits.  But I'm sure Jerri has been rode hard and put away wet before, so she'll probably bounce back!  

Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich made the best of the cold weather, though.  They were dry humping like crazy under their newly acquired blankets.  Will they be the first couple on Survivor to have sex on camera?  Big Tom Buchanan might beat them to the punch if they keep getting him worked up like they have been.  I can just picture Big Tom watching those two rolling around, getting all horned up, and then putting the heavy moves on Sue Hawk.  She's been looking mighty sexy in that little bikini of hers!   

Richard Hatch once again proved how good he is at going down deep to get snake-like creatures when he brought 3 big moray eels back to camp.

  Jenna Lewis is just itching to get naked to cement her status as this season's sexpot!

And at the end of the show, it was Rob Cesterino's turn to go home, but not before he made a royal goof of himself by digging up the beach.  It appears Rob Mariano is firmly established as the head cock in the roost and he was threatened by another having the possibly of infiltrating his chicks. 

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All right!  I love the new Survivor All Stars Edition!!!!

I've been chided for not starting my Get Real Column earlier, but I will commit to not missing another episode's update this season!

The first three shows have been very cool!  I'm glad Tina Wesson was the first one to be booted off the show!  I never thought she deserved to win the show she originally did, but Colby Donaldson figured he would get more play as a celebrity if he was kind to the nice old lady than if he played the game safe and voted her off the island. The big pussy!

I had tears in my eyes when Rudy Boesch was voted off the island.  I can't say I blame his tribe mates since the producers have made the challenges and conditions of the game so incredibly brutal, but I already miss the ornery old fart!  I especially loved that his final words didn't have anything nice to say about the game, but instead that he would forever hold a grudge against the sons of bitches who voted for him!

I'm not sure I believe Jenna Morasca quit because of her mother rather than the harshness of the conditions, but it sure made for a tear-jerking ending to this week's episode!  I've been crying every since she said she was leaving because I knew that meant we wouldn't get to see her naked on the show again!  

My three favorite characters who I hope to win the battle are Rob Mariano, Big Tom Buchanan, and of course the King, Richard Hatch!  Boston Rob is such an awesome smart-ass who always pegs everyone's quirks so eloquently.  Big Tom is just a Happy Go Lucky Fellow who you know just won't take any bull-shit.  And Richard is my absolute idol.  I'm not sure I ever thought I'd say that about a fat, naked, Gay man, but he really is.  I loved him in the first season and I love him even more in this one.  The scene where he fought the shark was just so cool that I had to question my own sexual orientation choices in life for at least a couple of minutes.

Then I saw Amber Brkich in a bikini and I remembered that I'm very happy with the path I chose as a pervert.

I hope Amber, Jerri Manthey, and Jenna Lewis get nude real soon!

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Top Survivor Phrases used to find Shortarmguy.com

1.  Rupert Boneham  

2.  Heidi Strobel Nude (Naked)

3.  Jenna Morasca Nude (Naked)

4.  Jenna on Shortarmguy.com (I love to visualize this one!!)

5.  Survivor Girls Naked

6.  Survivor Girls Gone Wild

Naked Survivor Girls --- Warning!!  Link is to an X-Rated site!!  Although I've never linked to a porn site before, this time I really feel obligated.  I've had literally tens of thousands of people discover Shortarmguy.com over the past 6 months searching for naked pictures of Jenna Morasca & Heidi Strobel.  Every single Playboy photo is included on this page.  Knock yourselves out!

 

Click Here For Get Real Archives Winter 2004!

Click Here For Get Real Archives Spring 2003!

 

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