Shortarmguy's Emails That Made Me Think
On this page, I will post the most inspirational material I receive on any given day. So email firstname.lastname@example.org the best stuff you get. Life can be darn tough sometimes and every now and then you might need a little happiness booster. I'm hoping this page may accomplish that. After you read a few of these, you can push back from your keyboard, throw your arms in the air, wave them back and forth and scream "I'm glad to be alive!" If this happens to you, please send pictures and I'll post them here!
September 26, 2004
Small Town People
Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this.
didn't will be in disbelief.
1) You can name everyone you graduated with.
2) You know what 4-H means.
3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6.)
4) You used to "drag" Main.
5) You said the "F" word and your parents knew within the hour.
6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.
7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow).
8) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.
10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
12) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks to Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field.
13) The golf course had only 9 holes.
14) You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
16) The town next to you was considered "trashy" or "snooty," but was actually just like your town.
17) You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1965 as the "rich people."
18) The people in the "big city" dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.
19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the town bar.
20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.
21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
22) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference - if your town even had one.
23) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.
24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings' names.
25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.
27) The closest McDonald's was 45 miles away (or more).
28) The closest mall was over an hour away.
29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
30) You've peed in a cornfield.
31) Most people went by a nickname.
32) You laughed your butt off reading this because you know it is true, and you forward it to everyone who may have lived in a small town.
September 19, 2004
We had friends! We went outside and found them.
September 12, 2004
This was an email exchange I had the day after I posted the original email about Iraq....
First, let me tell you that I love your site! It is absolutely hilarious. Thanks for all you do! It's
great to see that there are still people out there that don't have sticks up their butts! Keep it up.
I'm actually writing you because I really have questions about this weeks "Email that made me think
the most this week". When I read the part about the Koran having a passage in it that talked about the "fearsome Eagle" cleansing the lands of Allah, I was curious. I thought that the scripture itself was very interesting, but the 9:11 part made it all the more suspect. I was certain that a coincidence like this would have been wider known. So, I decided to check it out. Granted, I am not a Muslim, so I may not be reading it right, but I did search through a Koran and I did not find ANYWHERE a scripture that even remotely resembles the scripture cited on your website, let alone the scripture in 9:11. In fact the scripture in 9:11 states this:
"But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We
make the communications clear for a people who know."
Obviously, nothing like the one your emailer cited.
I just think it's important that we not hang our hats on false statements. I really don't believe the Koran states anything about America or this war. I think we need to know that the war is just, the war is right and we are doing the world a great service by removing a horrible dictator. That should be enough. We shouldn't have to make up scriptures to justify it.
Keep up the good work. You really do start my week off on a good step!
1. The garden of Eden was in
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!
6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq.
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.
8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.
10. Amos cried out in Iraq!
12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into
16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.
17. The wise men were from Iraq.
18. Peter preached in Iraq.
19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon
And you have probably seen this one.
No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than
And also... This is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)
Koran ( ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?! God Bless you all Amen !
Note: This was pointed out to me as a hoax....Read Here for more details...
September 6, 2004
(FRISCO, July 11) -- A few passengers on a recent American Airlines flight gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "first class", when they gave returning R&R-bound U.S. soldiers an unexpected upgrade. "There are a couple of flights I'll remember forever, and this will always be one of them", recalls American flight attendant Lorrie Gammon.
On July 4, Gammon was on duty when 12 soldiers boarded her American flight from Atlanta to Chicago. They were on their way home from Iraq to begin 2 weeks of R&R. Suddenly, one of the first-class passengers stood up, took his boarding pass back to main cabin. Next thing, the entire first-class section of the plane stood up and gave their seats for the servicemen and women.
Gammon says she didn't know what to make of it at first. "They were almost afraid to take their seats and were trying to give them back, and the businessmen were like, 'No, you guys sit here, we're going back to main cabin.'" Gammon says the flight attendants were watching this from the galley, and trying but failing to stop from crying. She says the soldiers had tears in their eyes too. She says one of the officers told her the soldiers have been in Iraq for more than a year, with bombs going off around them every day.
"Just to know we're behind them, means the world to them", Gammon says. She says she knows people want to show their support for our troops, and on that day, on that one flight, she saw that support displayed right in front of her. For on that day, the seats in first class were filled with first-class American soldiers.
August 29, 2004
CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS
"Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case"
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road,
and the back of the church.
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
Peace starts with a smile.
I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
He who angers you, controls you!
If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to ........ discourage him.
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
"Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is that You know they need"
August 21, 2004
August 14, 2004
are driving down the road in your car on a wild and stormy night, when you
pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus...
An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
.An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be
one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading. This is a
moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job
could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should
save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once
saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up
with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my
old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind
and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."
-- end of the touchy feely G rated part - the rest will appeal to you sickos
the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her
misery, have sex with the perfect partner against the bus stop, then drive
off with the old friend for a drink.
I just love happy endings
August 8, 2004
How D-Day Invasion would be Reported Today By The Media
June 6, 1944. -NORMANDY-
Three hundred French civilians were killed and
thousands more wounded today in the first hours of America's invasion of
continental Europe. Casualties were heaviest among women and children. Most of
the French casualties were the result of artillery fire from American ships
attempting to knock out German fortifications prior to the landing of hundreds
of thousands of U.S. troops.
Reports from a makeshift hospital in the French town of St. Mere Eglise said the carnage was far worse than the French had anticipated and reaction against the American invasion was running high.
"We are dying for no reason," said a
Frenchman speaking on condition of anonymity. "Americans
can't even shoot straight. I never thought I'd say this, but life was better under Adolph Hitler."
The invasion also caused severe environmental
damage. American troops, tanks, trucks and machinery destroyed miles of
pristine shoreline and thousands of acres of ecologically sensitive wetlands.
It was believed that the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely
threatening the species with extinction (comment- it survived and prospered). A representative of Greenpeace said his organization, which had tried to stall the invasion for over a year, was appalled at the destruction, but not surprised. This is just another example of how the military destroys the environment without a second thought, "said Christine Moanmore. "And it's all about corporate
Contacted at his Manhattan condo, a member of the French government-in-exile who abandoned Paris when Hitler invaded said the invasion was based solely on American financial interests. "Everyone knows the President Roosevelt has ties to big beer," said Pierre LeWimp. "Once
the German beer industry is conquered, Roosevelt's beer cronies will control the world market and make a fortune."
"Administration supporters said America's aggressive actions were based in part on the assertions of controversial scientist Albert Einstein, who sent a letter to Roosevelt speculating that the Germans were developing a secret weapon, a so-called "atomic bomb." Such a weapon could produce
casualties on a scale never seen before and cause environmental damage that could last for thousands of years. Hitler has denied having such a weapon and international inspectors were unable to
locate such weapons even after spending two long weekends in Germany.
Shortly after the invasion began reports surfaced that German prisoners had been abused by Americans. Mistreatment of Jews by Germans at so-called "concentration camps" has been rumored but so far, remains unproven. Several thousand Americans died during the first hours of the invasion and French officials are concerned that uncollected corpses pose a public health risk.
"The Americans should have planned for this in advance," they said.
"It's their mess and we don't intend to
clean it up."
Inspiration from the past
Inspiration June and July 2004
Inspiration April and May 2004
Inspiration February and March 2004
Inspiration December and January 2004
Inspiration October and November 2003
Inspiration August and September 2003
Inspiration June and July 2003
Inspiration April and May 2003
Inspiration February and March 2003
Inspiration December and January 2003
Inspiration October and November 2002
Inspiration August and September 2002
Inspiration June and July 2002
Inspiration April and May 2002
Inspiration February and March 2002
Inspiration December and January 2002
Inspiration October and November 2001
Inspiration August and September 2001
Inspiration Pre August, 2001
|The Legend of ShortArmGuy|
|ShortArmGuy's Comedy Act|
|ShortArmGuy's Multimedia Bits|
|ShortArmGuy's Enemies List|
|ShortArmGuy's Crazy Emails|
|ShortArmGuy's Favorite Websites|
Free counters provided by Honesty.com.
Feedback for me?
Suggestions for site improvements?
Funny jokes, audio files, video files that I can post here?
Links to inspirational sites?
Naked pictures of yourself or your girlfriend?
Email me at mailto:email@example.com
Copyright © 2003 by Swank! Productions --- All rights reserved