Shortarmguy's Emails That Made Me Think
On this page, I will post the most inspirational material I receive on any given day. So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get. Life can be darn tough sometimes and every now and then you might need a little happiness booster. I'm hoping this page may accomplish that. After you read a few of these, you can push back from your keyboard, throw your arms in the air, wave them back and forth and scream "I'm glad to be alive!" If this happens to you, please send pictures and I'll post them here!
March 26, 2005
Teacher
application
After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching
prospect said,
"Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room
with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment with a love for
learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity,
modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even
censor their t-shirt messages and dress habits. You want me to wage a war
on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for
weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem. You want me to
teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to
register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.
I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize
signs of anti-social behavior, offer advice, write letters of
recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect
for the cultural diversity of others, and oh, make sure that I give the
girls in my class fifty percent of my attention! My contract requires me
to work on my own time after school, evenings and weekends grading papers.
Also, I must spend my summer vacation, at my own expense, working toward
advance certification and a Masters degree. And on my own time you want me
to attend committee and faculty meetings, PTA meetings, and participate in
staff development training. I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than
life, such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient
and respectful of authority. You want me to incorporate technology into
the learning experience, monitor web sites, and relate personally with
each student. That includes deciding who might be potentially dangerous
and/or liable to commit a crime in school. I am to make sure all students
pass the mandatory state exams, even those who! don't come to school
regularly or complete any of their assignments. Plus, I am to make sure
that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless
of the extent of their mental or physical handicap. And I am to
communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter
and report card. All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a
computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting
salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!
You want me to do all of this and yet you expect me......
NOT TO PRAY
March 20, 2005
GRANDPA'S HANDS
Grandpa, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. He didn't
move, just sat with his head down staring at his hands. When I sat down
beside him he didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I
wondered if he was OK.
Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting to check on him at
the same time, I asked him if he was OK. He raised his head and looked at
me and smiled. Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, he said in a clear
strong voice.
I didn't mean to disturb you, grandpa, but you were just sitting here
staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK I explained to
him.
Have you ever looked at your hands he asked. I mean really looked at your
hands?
I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over,
palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my
hands as I tried to figure out the point he was making.
Grandpa smiled and related this story:
Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served
you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled
and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab
and embrace life.
They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor.
They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother
taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my
boots.
They dried the tears of my children and caressed the love of my life.
They held my rifle and wiped my tears when I went off to war. They have
been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent.
They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son.
Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married
and loved someone special. They wrote the letters home and trembled and
shook when I buried my parents and spouse and walked my daughter down the
aisle.
Yet, they were strong and sure when I dug my buddy out of a foxhole and
lifted a plow off of my best friends foot. They have held children,
consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.
They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the
rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and
raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well
these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.
These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of my life.
But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and
take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side
and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ.
I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached
out and took my grandpa's hands and led him home. When my hands are hurt
or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and wife I think grandpa.
I know he has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God. I,
too, want to touch the face of God and feel his hands upon my face.
March 13, 2005
What love is all about.
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman, in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.
As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
~ True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
Oh, by the way, peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank.
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way."
The Awesome Rock
The secret is to tilt your head to the left until you see the reflection join the rock formation.
You will see a woman and child praying!!
March 6, 2005
You know that you have
grown up in the 80's and early 90's if:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE"
2. You watched the Pound Puppie.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel-air", and
can do the "Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start
a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey-dokes"
or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales" (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch
cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the
big screen...and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class
at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in
a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment,
Shelter,House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
(She's truly outrageous.)
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and
all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us... head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell
off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the
schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you
exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. ( neon colors)
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you
are, but what am I?
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline
skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember "Popples".
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do...getting yelled
at by "younger hip" members of the family)
46. You remember boom boxes.. and walking around with one on your shoulder
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little
Pony Tales"
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't
even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on
"Saved By The Bell"
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a banana clip
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about
Willis?"
65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't
you!!!
February 27, 2005
Juggling
Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air.
You name them--work, family, health, friends, and spirit, and you're keeping all of these in the air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four balls--family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.
How?
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way. Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today is a gift: that's why we call it "The Present."
February 20, 2005
Idle Thoughts
Tell the truth. There's less to remember.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
There are two ways to be rich. Make more or desire less.
Goals are deceptive. The un-aimed arrow never misses.
All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Our biggest problem is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything—but don't quote me on that.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken. A lifetime commitment for a pig.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the "escape" key.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
A cynic smells the flowers and then looks for the casket.
Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.
Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.
Rehab is for quitters.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
February 13, 2005
Subject:
Wisdom & Age
A wealthy old
lady decides to go on a photo safari in
The old poodle
thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones
on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones
with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to
leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious
leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this,
the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes
over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!",
says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had
me!"
Meanwhile, a
monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures
he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the
leopard So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the
leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The
monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a
deal for himself with the leopard.
The young
leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey,
hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving
canine!"
Now, the old
poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks,
"What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog
sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them
yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
another leopard!"
Moral of this
story..
Don't mess
with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Bullshit
and brilliance only come with age and experience!
February 6, 2005
I try not to be biased, but I had my doubts
about hiring Stevie. His placement counselor assured me that he would be a
good, reliable busboy. But I had never had a mentally handicapped employee
and wasn't sure I wanted one. I wasn't sure how my customers would react
to Stevie. He was short, a little dumpy with the smooth facial features
and thick-tongued speech of Downs Syndrome.
I wasn't worried about most of my trucker customers because truckers don't
generally care who buses tables as long as the meatloaf platter is good
and the pies are homemade. The four-wheeler drivers were the ones who
concerned me; the mouthy college kids traveling to school; the yuppie
snobs who secretly polish their silverware with their napkins for fear of
catching some dreaded "truck stop germ" the pairs of
white-shirted business men on expense accounts who think every truck stop
waitress wants to be flirted with. I knew those people would be
uncomfortable around Stevie so I closely watched him for the first few
weeks.
I shouldn't have worried. After the first week, Stevie had my staff
wrapped around his stubby little finger, and within a month my truck
regulars had adopted him as their official truck stop mascot. After that,
I really didn't care what the rest of the customers thought of him. He was
like a 21-year-old in blue jeans and Nikes, eager to laugh and eager to
please, but fierce in his attention to his duties. Every salt and pepper
shaker was exactly in its place, not a bread crumb or coffee spill was
visible when Stevie got done with the table. Our only problem was
persuading him to wait to clean a table until after the customers were
finished. He would hover in the background, shifting his weight from one
foot to the other, scanning the dining room until a table was empty. Then
he would scurry to the empty table and carefully bus dishes and glasses
onto cart and meticulously wipe the table up with a practiced flourish of
his rag. If he thought a customer was watching, his brow would pucker with
added concentration. He took pride in doing his job exactly right, and you
had to love how hard he tried to please each and every person he met.
Over time, we learned that he lived with his mother, a widow who was
disabled after repeated surgeries for cancer. They lived on their Social
Security benefits in public housing two miles from the truck stop. Their
social worker, who stopped to check on him every so often, admitted they
had fallen between the cracks. Money was tight, and what I paid him was
probably the difference between them being able to live together and
Stevie being sent to a group home.
That's why the restaurant was a gloomy place that morning last August, the
first morning in three years that Stevie missed work. He was at the Mayo
Clinic in Rochester getting a new valve or something put in his heart. His
social worker said that people with Downs Syndrome often have heart
problems at an early age so this wasn't unexpected, and there was a good
chance he would come through the surgery in good shape and be back at work
in a few months.
A ripple of excitement ran through the staff later that morning when word
came that he was out of surgery, in recovery, and doing fine. Frannie, the
head waitress, let out a war hoop and did a little dance in the aisle when
she heard the good news. Belle Ringer, one of our regular trucker
customers, stared at the sight of this 50-year-old grandmother of four
doing a victory shimmy beside his table. Frannie blushed, smoothed her
apron and shot Belle Ringer a withering look. He grinned. "OK,
Frannie, what was that all about?" he asked. "We just got word
that Stevie is out of surgery and going to be okay." "I was
wondering where he was. I had a new joke to tell him. What was the surgery
about?" Frannie quickly told Belle Ringer and the other two drivers
sitting at his booth about Stevie's surgery, then sighed: "Yeah, I'm
glad he is going to be OK," she said. "But I don't know how he
and his Mom are going to handle all the bills. From what I hear, they're
barely getting by as it is." Belle Ringer nodded thoughtfully, and
Frannie hurried off to wait on the rest of her tables.
Since I hadn't had time to round up a busboy to replace Stevie and really
didn't want to replace him, the girls were busing their own tables that
day until we decided what to do. After the morning rush, Frannie walked
into my office. She had a couple of paper napkins in her hand and a funny
look on her face. "What's up?" I asked. "I didn't get that
table where Belle Ringer and his friends were sitting cleared off after
they left, and Pony Pete and Tony Tipper were sitting there when I got
back to clean it off," she said. "This was folded and tucked
under a coffee cup." She handed the napkin to me, and three $20 bills
fell onto my desk when I opened it. On the outside, in big, bold letters,
was printed "Something For Stevie. Pony Pete asked me what that was
all about," she said, "so I told him about Stevie and his Mom
and everything, and Pete looked at Tony and Tony looked at Pete, and they
ended up giving me this." She handed me another paper napkin that had
"Something For Stevie" scrawled on its outside. Two $50 bills
were tucked within its folds. Frannie looked at me with wet, shiny eyes,
shook her head and said simply: "truckers."
That was three months ago. Today is Thanksgiving, the first day Stevie is
supposed to be back to work. His placement worker said he's been counting
the days until the doctor said he could work, and it didn't matter at all
that it was a holiday. He called 10 times in the past week, making sure we
knew he was coming, fearful that we had forgotten him or that his job was
in jeopardy. I arranged to have his mother bring him to work. I then met
them in the parking lot and invited them both to celebrate his day back.
Stevie was thinner and paler, but couldn't stop grinning as he pushed
through the doors and headed for the back room where his apron and busing
cart were waiting. "Hold up there, Stevie, not so fast," I said.
I took him and his mother by their arms. "Work can wait for a minute.
To celebrate you coming back, breakfast for you and your mother is on
me!" I led them toward a large corner booth at the rear of the room.
I could feel and hear the rest of the staff following behind as we marched
through the dining room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw booth after
booth of grinning truckers empty and join the procession. We stopped in
front of the big table. Its surface was covered with coffee cups, saucers
and dinner plates, all sitting slightly crooked on dozens of folded paper
napkins. "First thing you have to do, Stevie, is clean up this
mess," I said. I tried to sound stern. Stevie looked at me, and then
at his mother, then pulled out one of the napkins. It had "Something
for Stevie" printed on the outside. As he picked it up, two $10 bills
fell onto the table. Stevie stared at the money, then at all the napkins
peeking from beneath the tableware, each with his name printed or scrawled
on it. I turned to his mother. "There's more than $10,000 in cash and
checks on table, all from truckers and trucking companies that heard about
your problems. "Happy Thanksgiving," Well, it got real noisy
about that time, with everybody hollering and shouting, and there were a
few tears, as well. But you know what's funny? While everybody else was
busy shaking hands and hugging each other, Stevie, with a big, big smile
on his face, was busy clearing all the cups and dishes from the table.
Best worker I ever hired. Plant a seed and watch it grow.
Inspiration from the past
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