Shortarmguy's Emails To Make You Think
September 30, 2007
September 23, 2007
Never Discount Wisdom When The Outcome Is Important…!
September 16, 2007
Thought you might find this
new slant on health rather interesting!
September 9, 2007
This past week I was on a four and a half hour, non-stop flight from Seattle, Washington, to Atlanta, Georgia.
In all my years of
traveling, I have learned that each time a plane has the opportunity to
stop, there is potential for unexpected challenges. Flight delays, weather
and airline crews can create
About an hour into this particular flight, the Captain's voice rang over the intercom. He asked if there was a physician or nurse on the plane. If so, he asked them to identify themselves by ringing the flight attendant call button beside their seat. I listened carefully but heard no one ring their bell. I immediately began to wonder what was happening.
In a few minutes
the Captain informed us that there was a medical emergency on board and
asked again if there was a physician or a nurse who could help. When
there was no response, we were told that we were going to make an
emergency stop in Denver, Colorado. He apologized
About half an hour later, we landed at Denver International Airport and the medical crew immediately came on board. However, everything took longer than had previously been expected An elderly gentleman, about 85 years old, had suddenly taken ill. It was not clear whether he had experienced a stroke or heart attack. Even after the gentleman was carried off of the plane, we still sat there for quite a while. The original "short" stop turned into about an hour and a half.
When we finally pushed back from the gate and were in the air, the pilot apologized profusely for the unavoidable delay. He said that since the stop had taken longer than expected, those passengers who needed to make connections in Atlanta would miss their flights but would automatically be booked on the next flight out.
You could almost hear the moans and groans throughout the airplane of everyone who was being inconvenienced by the unexpected stop. Then the pilot did one of the classiest things I have personally ever seen or heard anyone do. He spoke into the intercom and said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, I thought you might be
interested in one bit of information. The elderly gentleman who was taken
off the plane was a Marine in WWII. I am holding in my hand a copy of the
Congressional Medal of Honor that was awarded to him and signed by
"The pilot went on to say, "I realize that we have
all been inconvenienced today. However, in light of the fact that this
gentleman was a war hero and was inconvenienced for four years of his life
in order that we might experience the freedoms that we enjoy today, I
thought you all should know that."
I breathed a prayer for the gentleman and asked God to bless him for all he had done to help us understand what freedom is all about.
"History does not entrust the care of freedom to the weak or timid."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
September 2, 2007
MARINES AND TAMPONS
told my son I was really sorry about the mistake, and if he wanted I would
send Marine X another package. He told me not to worry about Marine X
because every time I send something to him, Marine X thinks it's for him
One of the guys attached the panties to an antenna and it blew in the wind like a windsock. He said it entertained them for quite awhile. Then of course.......they had those tampons. When he brought this up, my imagination just went running, but he continued.
son said they had to go on a mission and Marine X wanted the Chap-Stick
and lotion for the trip. He grabbed a bunch of the items
My sister said she doesn't believe in mistakes. She believes God had a plan all along. She believes that "female care package" was sent to Marine X to save our Marine. Either way, our efforts have boosted the morale of many Marines, provided much needed items for our troops, AND saved the life of a Marine! God bless every one of you for your efforts and hard work, and God bless our Marines, Army, Navy, Air Force and all our military service personnel.
GOD BLESS AMERICA AND KEEP IT SAFE!
August 26, 2007
Things I Wish I'd Known Earlier in Life
Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter.
Good sex should involve laughter. Because it's, you know, funny.
Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you" though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent.
Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are.
Never give yourself a haircut after three martinis.
When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
A person needs only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right".
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
The only really good advice that I remember my mother ever gave me was "Go! You might meet somebody!" and I did!
If he says that you are too good for him believe it.
I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves that the other person was right about you.
Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are going to need them to empty your bed urinal and hold your hand.
Work is good but it's generally not important.
Never under estimate the kindness of your fellow man.
And finally... Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
August 19, 2007
The Difference Between Men and Women
Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then, there is silence in the car.
To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.
And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Fred," Martha says aloud.
"What?" says Fred, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Fred.
"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Fred.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.
"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says. (There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Fred.
"That way about time," says Martha.
"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Fred," she says.
"Thank you," says Fred.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.
The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"
And that's the difference between men and women.
August 12, 2007
If You Grew Up in the Rural Midwest.
You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.
You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.
You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.
You know the difference between "Green" and "Red" farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!
You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.
You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.
You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't break into uncontrollable laughter.
You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at the county fair.
You know that "combine" is a noun.
You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.
You know Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.
You know that "creek" rhymes with "pick".
Football schedules, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.
A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.
There was at least one, if not several, in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning.
You have driven your car on the lake.
You can make sense of "upnort" and "baatree".
Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
The local gas station sells live bait.
At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.
You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You actually understand these jokes and will forward them to all your midwest friends!
August 5, 2007
ADVICE FOR ANYONE.
Inspiration from the past
On this page, I will post the most inspirational material I receive on any given day. So email firstname.lastname@example.org the best stuff you get. Life can be darn tough sometimes and every now and then you might need a little happiness booster. I'm hoping this page may accomplish that. After you read a few of these, you can push back from your keyboard, throw your arms in the air, wave them back and forth and scream "I'm glad to be alive!" If this happens to you, please send pictures and I'll post them here!
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