Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails
On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email firstname.lastname@example.org the best stuff you get. I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
New Pictures Added!
For More Funny
December 29, 2002
This new urinal is the Hottest Christmas Gift for men ever!
BACK IN 1987....
When I was a kid adults
used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were
when they were growing up.
What with walking
twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round
blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room
schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average.
Despite their full-time
after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an
hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!
And I remember
promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay
a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've
But....Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so damn easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a freakin' Utopia!
I mean, when I was a
kid we didn't have The Internet-we wanted to know something, we had to go to the
library and look it up ourselves!
And there was no
email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen!-- and then you had
to walk all the way across the street and put it in the damn mailbox and it
would take like a week to get there!
And there were no
MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store
and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the
radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and screw it all up!
You want to hear about
hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude
to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11!
It was either that or
jack off to the lingerie section of the JC Penney catalog!
Those were your
options! We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone
and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller
ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be
your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!!
You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have any
fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the
Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids"
and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your
imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one
screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and
faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed!
And sure, we had cable
television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no
onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what the hell I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1987!
December 22, 2002
Guess who killed casual dress day at the office?
I don't know if you've heard, but starting Jan 1, 2003 you will no longer be able to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a "hands free" adapter. I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a headset with a boom microphone for my cell phone!
I have come up with an alternative, working through Office Depot. These kits are compatible with any mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid $0.08 each because I bought in quantity. I'm selling them for $1.00 plus $6.95 shipping and handling. I tried them out on Erickson, Motorola, & Nokia phones and they worked perfectly. A photo is below.
Take a look and let me know if you want one.
December 15, 2002
Why Strip Twister might not be such a good idea...
Why I always wanted to be a cheerleader!
What the hell did this guy eat?
A DWI ain't gonna stop me from deer hunting!
A Rejected Entry for the next Kid's Letters To Santa book
December 7, 2002
Words of Wisdom
Somewhere in Texas
This one is not Funny!! It's absolutely disgusting! Don't open the picture if you don't want to be grossed out!
Stop rubbing your eyes !!!
This poor guy was minding his own business & he felt an eye irritation.
Thinking that it was just regular dust, he started to rub his eye, in an
effort to remove the dust. Then his eyes got really red, so he bought some
eye drops from the pharmacy.
A few days passed and his eyes were still red and seemed a little swollen.
Again he dismissed it as dust & continued rubbing, hoping it would go away.
As the days went by, the swelling of his eye got worse & the redness
increased until he decided to go and see a doctor for a check up.
The doctor immediately wanted an operation, being afraid of a tumor growth
or cyst. At the operation, what was thought to be a growth or cyst, actually
turned out to be a live worm. What was thought initially to be just mere
dust actually was an insect's egg......
(Don't Click the picture unless you want to be grossed out!)
December 1, 2002
Mommy, PLEASE can we go in that store!!!
The World's Biggest Woman! She bought a replica of my left arm to use as a sex toy!
Happy Thanksgiving, You Sexy Birds!
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