Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get.  I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits! 

Warning!  Adult Material Below!

 

August 29, 2004

HI SHORTARMGUY
THIS IS A PHOTO OF A SHRINK WRAPPED VW JETTA. THE VICTIM WAS AT A SCHOOL FOR ONE DAY. HE LEFT HIS CAR UNATTENDED.  THE PAY BACK CONTINUES.

TWKCAT

Nice Catch, Grandpa!!

Truth In Packaging!

The Real Olympic Highlights

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Why, Gold, of course!" says the man proudly.

The wife responds ruefully, 

"Why don't you wear Silver. It would be nice if you came second for a change!"

Volleyboob

The Olympic Gayyyyymes!

This Olympic Swimmer Must Be A Shortarmguy Fan.  

The Soccer Match We Really Want To See!

I Love All Sports!!

Nice Email Of The Week

I just finished reading "The Legend of ShortArmGuy" and I liked it :)  I like the fact that you don't care what people think about you, that takes real courage! I admire you, really.
 
Much Love
 
Jas

 

Want To Buy This Cool Backpack?  Click The Picture!!

  cover

August 21, 2004

Best Diamond Ad Ever

Hey!  No Hitting Below The Belt!!

More 2004 Election Fun

The Clintons at President Reagan's Funeral

Best line of the day has to be The View's co-host, Joy Behar remark upon seeing this picture. 

"This must  be the first time they've slept together in years!"

Nice Email Of The Week

This is another email from JD who is in the army and stationed in Camp Arifjan, Kuwait.  

I was driving a bus back and forth between camps... one in the northern desert of Kuwait to the Southern end of Kuwait.  One day I was traveling about 120 kph in the desert and this guy passed me riding his camel to the market.  

 

til then... JD  (Jerry for short)

hey, check out my jokes that I have compiled from many sources at 

http://www.netpathway.com/~ccr/rotf1.html

not my fault if you don't get any sleep reading all of them... don't blame me!

 

August 14, 2004

Ever since I showed the controversial Ford Sportka Video in which a sunroof cuts off a cat's head and received an email from a gentleman who was quite upset about it, people keep sending me their favorite cat pictures!!  

I thought these pictures of some cats making friends with a bald eagle were pretty cool!!

I wish they would have sent the 4th picture which shows the eagle grabbing the kitty with his death grasp and flying away! 

Actually, the white kitties were pretty well protected by their friend in the window above!

No more wire hangers!!!

Election Season Is Just Staring To Get Fun!!

I think the face of this little girl is a good representation of how the average American voter feels when trying to make a decision from the available candidates!

Nice Email Of The Week

Hey there Todd,

I'm the cool-looking bald dude who recognized you at Valleyfair last summer (bright shining moment of the year if I recall). My wife was all freaked that if it wasn't you, she said I'd really be offending someone by calling them "Short-arm guy" if they didn't know about the website.

Anyways, I just watched the clip of Round 1 at ACME, very nicely done! I'm curious when round 2 is. We'd love to be there in your corner, you gotta throw that stuff up on the site. If you want the crippled coalition out in full force you need to let us know.  My crippleness isn't to your degree I know,(folically challenged here, but God gave me the same deal) but do it for all of us! 

Let me know if you get a sec.

-Derick

Hey, Derick!
 
Thanks for the support!!
 
I guess it's not official yet that I'm in round 2.  They send the top 25 scores to the next round out of the 125-150 contestants they had.  The lady at ACME told me I had a pretty high score (79 out of 90) but nothing will be official for at least a couple more weeks.
 
I'll send an email out and put the date on my website once I know for sure...
 
I've added you to my email list now, so you'll be hearing from me...
 
It's funny you say that about the possible mis-identification of Shortarmguy in public.  This just happened to some guy who emailed me the following recently.  I thought it was funny as hell!!!  Here's his email:
 
I TOO WAS BORN WITH A RARE BIRTH DEFECT CALLER RADIAL CLUB HAND.
 
I WENT TO AN ANTIQUE CAR SHOW TODAY AND SOME ASSHOLE SAYS TO
 
ME " HEY- ARE YOU THE SHORT ARM GUY ? "
 
I LOOKED AT HIM (KIND OF PISSED OFF) AND SAID EXCUSE ME -
 
HE COMES BACK WITH " ARE YOU THE GUY ON THE INTERNET WHO HAS
 
THE SITE " SHORTARMGUY.COM "
 
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT - AND HE TELLS ME ABOUT
 
YOU AND THAT MY HANDS WERE LIKE YOURS, AND HE THOT I LOOKED
 
LIKE YOU ALSO.
 
WE GOTTA TALK !
 
PLS DROP ME A LINE -
THNKS
 
KEN B
 
Take it easy!!! 
 
Shortarmguy

Dare To Be Different!
www.shortarmguy.com

 

Nice Email Of The Week 2

This just came in.   I always get so excited when I get an email from one of our brave men and women in the military serving overseas.  So I just had to add it to this week's update!

Subject of the email:  POT Club

ok... so not what you expected.  Just read your site here at my office at
Camp Arifjan, Kuwait.  Yes, I am in the Army.  I am from Mississippi and I
am a Parent of Twins.  ok this is where POT comes from. 

story of POT.

Well one day I was watching TV and heard about the Twins Fest in Twinsburg
Ohio.  So I took my red-headed twins to it.  That was in 2000.  We loved it.
As I was sitting checking out the twins, (and they where some twins) I
thought up this joke.

One day I decided to get together some people together that were parents of
twins at my house to start a group of parents of twins.  I had made up a
list of what I wanted to have on the flyer and took it to the print shop.
After he read it he told me the price.  Well being a parent of twins I knew
that I could not afford the price he quoted me.  I told him to shorten it
and we agreed on a price.

On the original list I wanted him to put as title PARENTS OF TWINS MEETING.
Basically I was going to have it at my house and had directions to my house
and that a local company had donated free sample gifts and the gifts where a
first come first serve type of deal.

Two weeks later I drove through town as the meeting was to begin at 7 and it
was 4.  The streets where packed with cars everywhere... Being a fire
fighter also I never seen this many cars at one place in my town since it
almost burned down. 
As I got closer I saw this young man handing out flyers.... it read:
POT MEETING
FREE SAMPLES TO FIRST TO ARRIVE
WHITE HOUSE ON NORTH STREET AND 2ND STREET


OK  so it ain't that funny... but I have gotten a few laughs from it.

Reason I actually emailed ya... have you ever considered taken your kids to
the Twinsfest in Twinsburg Ohio... The Mecca of twins.   It is amazing all
the twins that show up... When we went in 2000 there was over 2700 set of
twins that registered.  We also went in 2001. 

You gotta take your boys there.  They will have a great time.

Til then... Jerry D. Mason

 

August 8, 2004

How To Stop Diarrhea

This Is What My Funeral Will Look Like!

God, I love tan lines!

Shortarmguy Loves The Big Girls

Them's Some Big Burgers You Have There!

August 1, 2004

Warning!! Nudity Alert!!

Normally, I won't show this level of nudity on my site, but I found this one so clever, I had to include it on this week's update.  Shortarmguy has a new internet friend by the name of "Pert Moody Newt" and he's quite creative.  He emailed me these two pictures and I thought they were pretty neat and maybe just a tad bit twisted!

Mr. Newt has a Prank Phone Call Website and you can see it by clicking on the bug below... 

It looks like Jenna Bush is getting ready to do something a little bit twisted herself in this photo... 

 

How To Spot A Rich Guy!

Truth In Advertising

Tiger Woods Has Quite The Life!  Look At His Personal Driving Range!

It's a helicopter landing pad 1000ft up a Dubai hotel.

Woods teed-off two-thirds of the way up the Burj Al Arab Hotel.

He was taking some time out of preparing for the Dubai Desert Classic event.

The seven-star hotel is higher than the Eiffel Tower and is built on a man-made island. Woods hit the balls into the Arabian Gulf below.

Nice Email Of The Week

Recently I was introduced to your web-site by my brother and his friend. We truly get a kick out of it! Well today I read "The Legend of ShortArmGuy" and let me just say, I laughed my ass off. I especially liked your explanation to kids who asked what happened. And your response to the old lady in the McDonalds parking lot, was a kodak moment. You truly are an inspiration to others. We need more people like you. Keep up the good work! 

Crazy Email Archives

July, 2004

June, 2004

May, 2004

April, 2004

March, 2004

February, 2004

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