Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits! 

Warning!  Adult Material Below!


April 30, 2005

Guess which apartment had the husband come home early...

Johnny Cochran's Tombstone

Ummmm, fellas.  You might want to find a different place to pray.

Terrorist Proof Airlines

Clean Up, Aisle 12!

I'm going to make a million dollars selling these to the ladies!!

An oldie, but getting more and more true with time!

How Can You Not Love Cute Animal Pictures?

Sleeping here is great, but the alarm clock kind of sucks.

The Karate Kat

I feel like chicken tonight!

Kids.  They're tough on the nipples.

Nice Email Of The Week

Mr. Guy,

That you would belittle and demean your condition and that of others, amuses me to no end.

Seriously, what a great site !! Your attitude of mental health and tenacity is refreshing !! 

I happened upon your site while doing a google image search for "skidmarks" !!

It made my day and I just wanted to say thank you.  

I try to laugh at myself and get over myself everyday.

Keep on doing what you're doing. Thanks !!

Dave Crawford (just a fat guy)

April 24, 2005

Funny Guy, Nick Rahman, Sent This Out This Week After Learning About Shortarmguy Smashing His New Boat Propeller

Don't Mix!

If you fly a plane this statement is worth a look!  The guy who tilled this message in his soil is a Wells County farmer with a message for everyone!  He says that on Dec. 6, 1946, corn was $1.47 per bushel.  The day he tilled this in the soil, it was $1.45 per bushel!  

Go figure!

This field is located in NE 1/4 Sect. 9, 146:90  Speedwell Township , Wells County in North Dakota .  The farmer did it with no GPS system or anything!  It almost looks like it is a retouched photo, but it is NOT!  It was taken yesterday, Sunday, April 10, 2005!  He plans to seed the field to sunflowers in May, so the message's days are numbered.

Why It's Important Not To Drink With Meanies!

This is a real tomato plant.....


Hot New Summer Fashion Statement

I Don't Think He's Going To Make It!

The cause of last week's multi car pile on I-75 near Detroit Michigan has not been determined.

Crack, however, is suspected.

Crack can kill.

April 17, 2005

I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company starting to erect a pole in front of my house.  they were going to position it directly in front of my picture window.

No way, absolutely no way was I going to permit this.

I gulped down my last bit of coffee and went directly to the crew supervisor and told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going to permit his crew to put that stupid electrical pole directly in front of my picture window.

He took out a plat map, a map for pole locations and a right of way document and explained that it is the best location for it. 

I told him it is not the best location for me and when I came home from work that day I did not want to find that pole in front of my window. 

I told him I didn't give a hoot where he put it but not in front of my window.
I felt pretty smug as I drove off to work because I felt I got my point across. 
I know darn well they are afraid to put it there now.... 

Ah..... the feeling of power.... least until I got home.

Happy Tax Week!!

We'll sure miss these classic Pope John Paul II moments...

Scary New Michael Jackson Projects

Good Boy!!!

But honey, they are a really good price...

Nice Email Of The Week


I was having a bad day and I happened upon your web page.  Thank you for making me smile today.


April 9, 2005

For those who believe nothing exciting ever happens in Kansas, except tornados, check this out . . .

The Good news:
It was a normal day in Sharon Springs , KS when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train to head on the long trek back to Salina .

The Bad news:
Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing becomes overheated and melts off letting the truck support drop down and grind on top of the rail creating white hot molten metal droppings to spew downward on the rail.

The Good news:
A very alert crew noticed a small amount of smoke about halfway back in the train and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the rules.

The Bad news:
The train just happened to stop with the hot wheel on top of a wooden bridge built with creosote ties and trusses

I can tell this is a place where I'd like to eat!

Higher, Kid Higher!

I was out driving when all of the sudden this Big Dick In A Truck pulled right out in front of me!!

Opec's New Slogan

Nice Email Of The Week


  I feel weird calling you that...but oh well.
  Hi! My name is Becca i'm 21 years old and I am a junior at Indiana University....oh yeah, and I have bi-radial club hands. I'm a very outgoing person, and making friends has never been hard for me...hell, I didn't realize that I was that different from anyone else until some kid made fun of my "short funny lookin' weird arms" in the hallway on the way to lunch in the second grade.  
  Reading through your website has been quite enjoyable for me, simply because I have lived with the same crap. I've actually developed a 6th sense. I can sense when annoying people stare at me where ever I go, especially at restaurants...I too use the stare-back method to make the people staring feel as uncomfortable as possible. I'm not going to lie...I enjoy it. I usually call out adults when they are just blatantly staring and making me feel like i'm some freak in a road side carnival on display...thats the best, because they don't expect it all.
  For example, when I was a freshman in high school I was at the movie theater w/ a bunch of my friends. I was walking with one of my good friends and the rest of my friends were walking behind us...well, this man probably about mid 40's...(you know old enough to know better, stupid enough to think I wouldn't notice)...was standing by the snack bar, with i'm assuming his wife. While the couple was engaging in conversation I caught the man's eye when I walked past, he stopped what he was saying and actually turned his head away from her, to look at my arms. Now, that is just rude...I mean, i expect people to look, please!...that's just human nature. However, can you imagine how the woman must have felt? I mean I would have been mortified if I was talking to a guy and he stopped our conversation to check out another girl...let alone one with A PHYSICAL DISABILITY. So, I guess all of my friends noticed that this jerk was staring at me and were hoping that I hadn't noticed, but when we got to the door to wait for one of our moms to pick us up, I told the girls that I had to go to the bathroom and I couldn't wait...they all yelled, "no Becca, don't its not worth it..." I walked back to the man at the snack bar and politely asked him for the time...while doing this I rolled up my sleeves and made sure that he saw on my left wrist a little child-sized ironman digital watch. He gave me a weird expression and told me it was 9:00 PM and I said really enthusiastically, thanks so much sir, I just wanted you to get a better look. Haha, his jaw dropped to the floor and it was one of those moments I will never forget.
I don't really know why this matters to really doesn't, but I have never talked to anyone else that has radial club hands...and when I read your Legend of felt like I was talking about my own life. I hope you and your family are well. Thank you for for your time and reading this awfully long e-mail. I'll make sure to check the website for future hilarious pictures and e-mails.
Thanks again,

Shortarmguy's son Luke with Minnesota Timberwolves Center, Mark Madsen

April 2, 2005

Happy Easter!!  Sojan made this and I thought it was pretty cool...

Wisconsin Outhouse

When Tony came to the beach, he was so proud of his new chain.  Then he went swimming and we never saw him again.

Scooby Dont

The Bush Twins are getting a little bit crazier now that Dad no longer has re-election to worry about.  More details here...

My hangovers have a similar look to the empty glass face...

Ummmm, I'm not sure I feel very safe with you holding my chest like that...

Now That's Funny!

I Want A Gold Fish Sink!!!

Crazy Email Archives

March, 2005

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