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Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails
On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get. I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
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January 29, 2006
They're selling new T-Shirts on Bourbon Street!
Nice catch!
Screw the riding lawnmower! I want the flying version!!
Your blind date might not be exactly who you were expecting...and you'd better pick up the check!
So much for anonymity!
Bill didn't seem to worry too much about alienating a certain portion of his customer base...
Modern Day Snowmobile!
Nice Emails Of The Week
You should be proud of all you have done. Wow! people from Australia look at your site. Awesome!
Happy New Year!
Mrs. T.
I love to read your story page about yourself.........You know you should write a book.....you write very well...Your so correct about when people are trying to make fun of you or teasing you that you have to turn it around back to them .........
Joke Of The Week
From my good friend, Melissa:
Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking
their sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they
aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other
shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows ! from the
bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?'
9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, &and pick your
nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti- depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible
theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size
funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!
14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position
and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!! And; last, but not least!
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell,
very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
January 22, 2005
I thought this was kind of neat....maybe some day I'll figure out how to get up there for real!
The Original Happy Meal
I finally see why some people are so afraid of Bush!
This is an actual photo of the Hurricane Katrina Storm Surge! Pretty Scary!!
I received this from Sojan in Dubai. I love his stuff!
These are from Larry Hanson's Buddy Doug. They accidentally sank their $160,000 trail groomer in a swamp!
I'm guessing the blonde cheerleader doesn't know as much about football as she thinks she does!
The start to a very bad day...
Nice Emails Of The Week
G'day Todd,
Hows it goin? I found your site while looking for funny
photos, and google landed me on your site! Upon further browsing, I checked out
your bio and your stand up act (funny shit!), haha. Good shit, I especially
loved the "silver cross" incident in your bio!! Hahah, that would've been tops
to watch - I love it when the tables get suddenly and fatefully turned!!!!
You must get some seriously weird e-mails, hahaha.
Have a good one mate, and thanks for the laugh!
Brook
(Sydney, Australia)
Just wanted to let you know that I stumbled
across your site one day while I was extremely bored, and I have been hooked
ever since. I come back often to check for updates and new funny stuff. Keep
up the great work!!!
Thanks
Tom Lawrence
Dear Shortarmguy
me and my mate and my mate had just finished school for the holiday and we
felt like havin a laugh
so we made this vid we hope you like it
ps i would be cool if it was on your web site
thanks
ryan
Here you go, Ryan!
Joke Of The Week
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father, never having seen an elevator responded,
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my
life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a
wheel chair moved up to the two moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls
closed and the boy and his father watched the small
circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers
began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a
gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father said quietly to his son...
"Go get your mother".
January 15, 2006
It's Nice To See That Former Minnesota Vikings Coach Mike Tice has already found a new job!
Never Fart In A Wet Suit!
I guess CarrotTop is sick of getting crap about his hair!
Somebody sent me a whole bunch of Bush Bashing Pictures!
Karl Rove Arrest Photo
There was some democrat bashing in there as well...
Nice Emails Of The Week
It's awesome how you've collected all these great pics and jokes, I'll never be bored again!
Oh my goodness, this is one of the funniest web site I've ever saw please send me all of your archived email so that I may continue to laugh and show my friends thanks and keep em coming in 2006
And of course the nicest email I received was a $20 donation from Shortarmguy's Good Friend, Shirley in Florida!
That will help pay the $250.00 Bill I just received from the Host of this website!
Thanks, Shirley!!
Joke Of The Week
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but
couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm
impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it
-- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it
up again?"
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks
odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants
the trees called in sick
Opportunity Of The Week
Attention Artists and Creative Types!
The Shortarmguy Store needs some new designs. If you submit a new design that is good for the store, I will compensate you for your efforts. I'd like the design to capture the spirit of Shortarmguy.com. Feel free to use any pictures that you find of me on the site or contact me at shortarmguy@aol.com for more details.
If you'd like to create your own store, visit CafePress.com for details.
January 8, 2006
Why you don't want to be the first one to pass out on New Year's Eve!
Santa was pretty excited to finally get a chance to take some time off from work!
And so Paul prepared for his daily ritual Shaving Snowzilla's Snowballs
Kangaroo Snack
Even though the Boss said there was a two drink limit at the company picnic, people still seemed to have a pretty good time!
For some reason, Darrell had difficulty starting to go pee.
Condi tries the same intimidation tactic on some of her favorite Democratic Senators
What do the bathroom people have against me?
The Bird Flu Bomber
Don't Duck with us you Little Pussy!
Nice Email Of The Week
Keep it up and we will get you nominated for the Top 100 web sites ok?
Joke Of The Week
A guy goes into the U. S. Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
"Yes", he says. "I was in Vietnam for three years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points towards employment," and
then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar shell exploded near me and blew my testicles
off."
The interviewer tells the guy, "OK, I can hire you right now. The hours are from
8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 AM.
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM then why do
you want me to come in at 10:00 AM?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we
stand around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that."
January 1 ,2006
The Christmas Yet To Come!
A Minnesota Entrepreneur
Snowdrunk
The Snowman Killer
All right. I'm scared.
Me too!
It's time to discuss this Dry Dog Food Crap you've been feeding me!
Truth in advertising!
Hey.....where's his handicapped parking sticker?!?!
When the man at the auto repair shop told me that it would cost $1400 to fix my car's air conditioning, I just laughed at him and said, "Heck, I can fix it myself for a whole lot less than that!" MY MOMMA DIDN'T RAISE NO FOOL !!!!!!!
Nice Email Of The Week
Kelli
Joke Of The Week
A postal worker was sorting mail a week before Christmas when he
came across a letter addressed to God. Since it would be destroyed he decided to
open the letter and read it.
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone
stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next
pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends
over for dinner.
Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn
to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.
Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time
he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and
sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow
thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady
to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It
read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of
love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day
and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing.
I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the post office.
Sincerely,
Edna
Cool Product Of The Week
Sadly, Santa didn't bring me one, but I sure still want that Video IPOD!
Help Support Shortarmguy.com!!
Crazy Email Archives
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Email me at shortarmguy@aol.com.
Copyright © 2006 by Swank! Productions --- All rights reserved