Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get.  I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits! 

 

Warning!  Adult Material Below!

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April 30, 2006

Aren't Gas Prices Just So Much Fun?

Victoria's Real Secret

Redneck Tractor Pull

Funny Bumper Sticker

The Ear Rat

Fun Balloons From the Albuquerque Hot Air Festival

 

Nice Emails Of The Week

I was doing a search on google about thumbless people and came across your website.  I have to say it made me laugh in many parts.  I have a few stories that are similar to yours.  I  too, was born without thumbs.  I have 4 fingers on each hand.  My hands look pretty normal, I just don't have the thumb.  There is no reason for it.  Like you I was just born this way.
 
So thanks for sharing your story.

Tiffany 

Hey!

Stumbled across your site yesterday, and I love it! Great for a laugh and a pic me up. Will definitely be sending your link to all my mates.

Also came across your evil pussy pic. Thought I might send you one of my little bub Ebby after having a bath... looking a little possessed.

I also found this one of her wearing a very appropriate outfit.

And finally, just so she doesn't get mad at me and put a curse on me or something, a cute one of her from her first birthday party.

Cheers, and keep rockin',

Corgan

Hi Todd,
 
I've been a fan of your site for some time now - and I particularly enjoy the e-mail section. Have you ever considered doing a "Best Of ShortArmGuy" I'm sure it would be a hit !

 

April 23, 2006

Supposedly this is the Prom picture of current American Idol contestant, Kellie Pickler.  Miss Sheri doesn't believe it's real.

Robert Kiyosaki told me I'd get rich by buying rental properties.  Things aren't working out as I'd expected!

Redneck Storm Shelter

Women Solved With Mathematics

From the American Medical Journal:  Now this is a health plan I can appreciate!!

Joke Of The Week

A business man got on an elevator.  

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest  smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.  "'T-G-I-F" means  Thank Goodness It's Friday.  Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T"' means 'Sorry, Honey, Its Thursday'

April 16, 2006

I can't wait to see this movie!!

Suddenly, I don't feel like having a hot dog.

Now that's a man's grill!

Best ad I've seen for Bug Killer yet!

I gotta get me a pair of pants like these!

Ummm....no caption needed on this one!

Stand right there for this picture.

Way to go, buddy!

Joke Of The Week

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB

Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks, put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them, put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in operations.

If they are sleeping, put them in reception.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle, put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day, put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window, put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.

Nice Email Of The Week

this site brings so much fun into our house, thanks

Dave & Chris,Bendigo, Australia

 

April 9, 2006

According to Snopes, this is a real photo of a Great White Shark approaching a guy in a Kayak.  Apparently they tested things out first by putting an empty kayak in the water and then feeling confident they could do this when he didn't attack the boat.  Some people just have much bigger balls than I do.

The white ones are camels, the black ones are shadows.  I thought this was neat!

This was sent to me with the caption "Proof that dogs can read!"

You asked!

The Hungry Toilet!

After Sally did this, she stayed in this position for 3 months!

Sunset at the North Pole.  It's fake, but still pretty cool!

I thought these photos of the Earth relative to other planets were very interesting.

We're huge versus Mars, but small versus Jupiter.

Against the Sun, we're nothing but a tiny little speck of dust!

I can't imagine why they kicked this guy off the plane!

Joke Of The Week

Sex in the Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down.   And saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. 

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . . . You explain the kids."

April 2, 2006

 

I gotta get to Mardi Gras one of these days!

This was sent with the subject line "Fishing in Wisconsin" but it works for Minnesota as well!

All right.  Who's giving me a ride back to the cabin?

This was sent to me by one of my best site contributors with the subject line "Me In The Shower!" 

I was let down quite a bit after I opened the photo!

The policemen were absolutely devastated after witnessing this crime scene.

This structure is made entirely of eggs.  Somebody must have been really, really bored.

 Race you to the other side of the toll booth!

Joke Of The Week

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few
minutes, it is idling smoothly.

The blonde says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Nice Emails Of The Week

conspiracy video true? because we always thought that our country is the best in the world and it looks like they just killed thousands of people for nothing, you should look more in to that video, by the way your websight is the best in the world I been wanting to tell you that for years, I look at it every Monday of the week and it is  funny how i found it, I was looking for boob's when I found this websight that's crazy how thing like that happened, well keep up the good work.

Shortarm,
 
So what's your real name? Mine's Sandy... I got an email about Shay and baseball, did a search, came upon your site... Thank you.
 
You made my day. Thank you for your site, thank you for your attitude.
 
Sandy Wallace
Image in Design

Dear ShortArmGuy,

When I read this report it made me think about your website.  I bet you've already seen it but It just happened and it would be perfect video.  It is the story of the moose sitting in the passenger seat of a car in Leominster, MA.  It just looks so funny seeing the moose just sitting there like he wants to go for a ride in the carpool lane.  Below is a link to the video.

http://cbs4boston.com/watercooler/local_story_076135729.html

ANDY

I received this email from some siblings who told me they have the Swank KFC rap on their IPOD, listen to it all the time, and even know the words!  I thought that was pretty cool!  Listen to it here.

I would love to record the Kentucky Fried Chicken Rap for you! I will send it to you soon! I am the little boy you talked to on AIM's sister that knows all the words! Kentucky Fried Chicken is the place to be we're gunna make your chickens so easily!       Hehehe!
thanks,
Allie

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