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Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails
On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get. I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
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August 27, 2006
My buddy, Sean, went to Sturgis this week where he took this picture.
I guess this guy was being a real Dick!
Why I'll never swim in the sea again...
Moon River
Great use for an old computer
US Marine HumVee
The price is......Who Cares!
Incredible Photo showing proof of Water On Mars
New Border Crossing
Evolution of Man
Joke of the Week
Hillary Clinton and her staff driver were cruising along a
country road in their SUV after a campaign visit one evening when suddenly an
old cow loomed in front of their car. The driver tried to avoid it, but
couldn't - they were both shaken, but unhurt.....the old cow, however, was dead.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to
lobbyists.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes
in disarray. He was holding a half empty bottle of home made wine in one hand, a
big cigar in the other and he was smiling like he had just won the
lottery....face smeared with lipstick.
"Where have you been for so long? Have you been drinking? What
happened?" asked Hillary.
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave
me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters were all over me."
"Why? What did you tell them!?!" asked Hillary.
The smiling staff driver replied: "I said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver,
and I just killed that old cow.........and things kinda got confused and crazy
after that...."
Nice Email Of The Week
SAG!
I love your site. I hit it every Monday for your latest and greatest. Today however, you have an "OOPSIE!" Dennis Miller did not write that Israel article.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/overview.asp
Sorry dude.
Otherwise, keep up the good work, you run an excellent site!
Dave Peters
Engineering in PA since 1996
Here is a “Fairy ring” that is in my yard right now. It is almost a perfect circle. The diameter is 14 feet and the largest mushroom head is 9” as of 8/17/06.
The “Fairy” in the fairy ring is Brent Rule who was kind enough to stand in the middle to give us perspective on the size of the ring knowing I was going to humiliate him.
BigDog
August 20, 2006
Boy, these new airport security dogs seem pretty scary!
Well, that's one idea...
I can totally relate to this:
I love see through bikinis, but this is ridiculous!
How can you not want to help the homeless?
I can't wait for my vacation to Mount Titties!
Nice Email Of The Week
Shortarmguy Replies: Our prayers are with you, KT!!! Keep The Faith!!!
Dear shortarmguy@aol.com,
Brenda B recommends the following web page, with this message:
I am a new fan of your web site. I thought you would like to add this to your
site. Keep the laughs coming, I have gotten a kick out of site . I have been
telling everyone to check it out.
Here is the page:
ABS
Visit this link!
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/honda.php
August 13, 2006
Not a good billboard to see on the way to work...
You gotta play it where it lies...
Say cheese!
Not a street you want to spend a lot of time on.
Now this takes guts!
Joke of the Week
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her....
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."
"Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" "Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see,
my back yard backs up to the parking lot of Lambeau Field. Each time there's a
game, a lot of
fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand
behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone
sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say "$20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "Some guys think I'm bluffing."
Nice Email Of The Week
Todd, I hope you and your buddies can see this
one. The moral of the story is, I'm sure, that we are definitely in the
presence of Greatness! Shirley
I believe in these difficult and mean-spirited times in which we live there
needs to be a message of hope. Just a single image that speaks to us of love,
harmony, peace and joy. An image that
suggests the universal brotherhood of man. I have found that image, and I ask
that all of you take a moment to be inspired by it.
Thanks for being a part of my
week.
thanks again
Suz
Suzanne was kind enough to include a donation to Shortarmguy.com with this email!
Help Support Shortarmguy.com!!
August 6, 2006
Those Sneaky Marines! (Look Closely!)
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Now that's a moose!
I like this one!
Brokeback Spidy
Just make yourself at home...
Joke Of The Week
WHY MEN WEAR EARRINGS
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," the co-worker replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
Nice Email Of The Week
What a great site and what a lovely family you have! Thanks for sharing! xoxo
You might want to share this on your mailing. I found it to be one of the best I have seen so far. Hope you enjoy it...Steve R. Johnson
A dynamic and poignant reminder.
Coming up on the five year anniversary.
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Crazy Email Archives
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Feedback for me?
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Funny jokes, audio files, video files that I can post here?
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Naked pictures of yourself or your girlfriend?
Email me at shortarmguy@aol.com.
Copyright © 2006 by Swank! Productions --- All rights reserved