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Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails
On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get. I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
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November 26, 2006
Duane, My neighbor last Friday got this bear
with the combine a half mile north of me. The combine was stuck, and the
den hole was 5 feet deep. The bear was trying to dig out from under the
wheel but could not get out, the DNR told them to shoot it. It dressed out
287 pounds, and was a male. Garry
Troy got a bear with the combine. He was combining our corn over at
Measners field and fell into a big hole. He thought it was a badger hole until a
big black paw came out. Pretty soon a head appeared. They knew for sure it was
no badger. He wasn't very happy either. He was 300 pounds.
I wasn't sure why our Bloodhound quit his job until I saw this picture.
Quote from the mom:
"This is my kindergartener's artistic rendering of a pair of scissors.
I wonder what his teacher thought. And I am so dang proud of myself. I
allowed myself just a small smirk when I saw it. I waited until he was out of
the room before I started to cry from laughing so hard!
Fun with Forks!
Joke of the Week
November 19, 2006
John Kerry's New Military Recruitment Poster
What a fun tattoo!!
Now that's my kind of crystal ball!
Karate School
Fascinating Topic!
Awwwww.......kitty got stuck in the freezer again! Cute.
I think I spotted him!
Cool Photo Illusions
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Try This! While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your right foot, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction! |
Joke of the Week
Pearly Gates
A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the
man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in
I yelled, "Now back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a few minutes ago."
Nice Emails Of The Week
love your website by the way...
I like reading about your family.
Laura
Here is my twice winning costume... once at work and once at a friends house party....
Scared some kids for life Tuesday night... had some serious fun with it....
Mad Doc
November 12, 2006
This is the most impressive Deer Stand I've ever seen!
This makes me feel a lot of ways, but hungry isn't one of them.
Statue Harrassment
I'm sure this marriage will last!
Nice Emails Of The Week
Excerpt from a much longer email:
All I can tell you is to enjoy your life and your family. Everyday is a gift and we each have the privilege of unwrapping that present every morning. From your newsletter I can tell you have found that to be true. I'm glad you are helping others to smile. One of my favorite sayings is "I am the sum total of every decision I have ever made" and I thank God for the life I have chosen to lead.
Shirley
November 5, 2006
Best Pumpkins of 2006
Most Tasteless Kid's Costume of 2006
Best Pet Costumes of 2006
Ummmmmm......Don't Pick Him Up.
Football Quote of the week
A fun way to spend Saturday with your dog. Take him hunting and let him chase after that interesting little porcupine running up ahead.
Spend the rest of the day with a pliers yanking quills out one by one!
Grandma didn't get any pictures of the event, but those pictures she took of her eye helped us to identify a nasty astigmatism.
Joke of the Week
An 85-year-old man was requested by
his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a
semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I
asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left,
still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with
her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with
both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And none of us could get the jar open".
Nice Emails Of The Week
Always enjoy contributing.
Have everyone check out my myspace. It's weak, and I only have like 14 friends (sad) so see if everyone gets the self-deprecating humor!
Thanks a ton,
All the best for you and yours.
Regards,
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Feedback for me?
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Funny jokes, audio files, video files that I can post here?
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Naked pictures of yourself or your girlfriend?
Email me at shortarmguy@aol.com.
Copyright © 2006 by Swank! Productions --- All rights reserved
