Welcome To Shortarmguy.com!

I think Tony Soprano is sick of everyone whining about the Sopranos series finale...

"Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk."

The boy sobbed,

"When I was six, I got the "There's no Easter Bunny" speech.

At seven, I got the "There's no Tooth Fairy" speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the "There's no Santa" speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

-g

What an awesome article Todd! I didn't have a chance to read it until tonight because I was too busy looking at fancy toilet seats. The quotes in the article make me feel inspired to make the most of my life and stop using my "emotional handicaps" as an excuse. What an inspiration you are to all who know you and the thousands that read shortarmguy. You have so much to be proud of yourself about not only in your professional life but as a great Dad and the two terrific, intelligent sons you and Sheri are raising. Luke is so far ahead of where you when you were his age because of the role model he has in you and Sheri so think of the possibilities that await him. Avery has a new bike so he doesn't need much more. Don't let the naysayers get you down but keep doing what you do and thank God for it! Love you man!

Cliff

ps can I borrow $5.00 bucks?

Hi Todd,

I've just finished reading the article about you that appeared in the Prior Lake paper. I totally disagree with the negative anonymous email that they quoted in the article. I thoroughly enjoy your website and look forward to Monday mornings to see the updates.

I also enjoy sharing jokes with you because you actually take the time to respond. It is also kind of cool when you use a joke or funny video that I sent in.

All I can say is keep it going and keep doing the great job you have done in the past. By the way, I am signing my name on this comment. Let them print that.

Bob Priebe

Hi, Todd.

Hope you’re doing well! My book is finished. It will be out October 16^th.

Here’s a link from Amazon.com. It’s called “A Complaint Free World.”

Love and Blessings,

Will Bowen

"If you insist on measuring yourself, place the tape around your heart
rather than your head."
Carol Trabelle

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call for a woman in labor.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

I think someone should bring back Fonzie Socks to the market. It's time for this fad to be born again!

This is common in limestone karst areas (karst is limestone rock eaten away by runoff water turning into sulphuric acid when combined with the rock and thus forms "caves" or "sinkholes". Over "half" of the U.S. is sitting on karst formations............

Is the rock under me 500' thick..........or 3' thick with a 330' sinkhole under that or is it Carlsbad Caverns?

By JUAN CARLOS LLORCA, Associated Press Writer

GUATEMALA CITY , Guatemala - A 330-foot-deep sinkhole killed at least two teenagers as it swallowed about a dozen homes early Friday and forced the evacuation of nearly 1,000 people in a crowded Guatemala City neighborhood.

Officials blamed the sinkhole on recent rains and an underground sewage flow from a ruptured main. The pit emitted foul odors, loud noises and tremors, shaking the surrounding ground. A rush of water could be heard from its depths, and authorities feared it could widen or others could open up.

Rescue operations were on hold until a firefighter, suspended from a cable, could take video and photos above the hole and officials could use the documentation to decide how to proceed.

The dead were identified as Irma and David Soyos, emergency spokesman Juan Carlos Bolanos said. Their bodies were found near the sinkhole, floating in a river of sewage. Their father, Domingo, was still missing, according to disaster coordinator Hugo Hernandez.

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind
of battle."

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by! The sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please. "
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

"Look up, laugh loud, talk big, keep the color in your cheek and the fire in your eye, adorn your person, maintain your health, your beauty and your animal spirits.'"

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, 'SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?' WELL ...

I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW
DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS, DDS, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME
NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN??

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS 'WAY TOO OLD
TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

HMMM ...OR COULD HE???

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED South HIGH SCHOOL.

'YES. YES, I DID. I HAD A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1964. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED SON-OF-A-BITCH
ASKED, "'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"

Hiya Shortarmguy!

I absolutely love your site, especially the crazy emails section.

I almost peed myself laughing at the attached pic someone sent this morning and thought you & other fans of your site may get a kick out of it! I'd like to think of the title as "maybe she should have used the bathroom before the ATM"

Thanks for the great laughs!

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult."