Site Links

Shortarmguy Home

Shortarmguy's Diary

The Legend of ShortArmGuy

Exploit A Cripple

Favorite Videos

Shortarmguy's Enemies List

Shortarmguy Comedy

Shortarmguy's Family Album

The Crippled Coalition

Get Rich Tips

Get Real Column

Crazy Emails

Favorite Websites

Inspirational Emails

Shortarmguy Commentary


Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails

Crazy Emails For September 30, 2007

Coffee Head

Happy Dwarves, Sad Dwarves.

Happy Halloween, Dawg.

Bear get stuck.

Bear get scared.

Bear get net from nice men.

Bear fall in net.

Bear get lowered.

Bear Happy!

Here's the real story...

One lucky Bear!

This bridge is on the Old Donner Pass Highway.  It has spectacular Sierra Views and views of Donner Lake and Donner Pass on Route 80.

A bear was walking across Rainbow Bridge (Old Hwy 40 at Donner Summit, Truckee) on Saturday when two cars also crossing the bridge scared the bear into jumping over the edge of the bridge. Somehow the bear caught the ledge and was able to pull itself to safety. Authorities decided that nothing could be done to help Saturday night so they returned Sunday morning to find the bear sound asleep on the ledge.
After securing a net under the bridge the bear was tranquilized, fell into
the net, lowered, then woke up and walked out of the net. 


Quote of the Week

The future you see is the future you get.

-- Robert G Allen, Business, Finance & Motivational Author


Joke of the Week

This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who
    called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of
    time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
    I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up
    and rekindling a little of that "old magic".

"Wow!"  I was flabbergasted.

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit
    older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't
    really have the energy I used to have."

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".

"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
    that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of
    muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am
    developing jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby grey haired older men were cute, and she
    was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
    So I told her to screw off.


Nice Email of the Week



Hi Todd --- Thought I would send you a picture of my grandson, Peter (will be 4 in Nov.)  ....he is the one who's face in NOT visible.
I just got this from his mom and what a daredevil I have in my family!   It was taken at Gatorland and I thought it was funny.  (But then i do have a wierd sense of humor)
Your FL friend,  Shirley 

Crazy Emails For September 23, 2007

If different peopled starred in Star Wars....

OJ Monopoly


Did you hear about the new OJ SIMPSON Web Site?

It's  http://///////


So this bird walks into a store...

A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.

The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.

Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny.


Dear Friends,

As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in Water there is bacteria.  In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.  Coli)  bacteria found in feces.  In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.  However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. 

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. 

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. 

I'm doing it as a public service.


Quote of the Week

"My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging."

– Hank Aaron, baseball player


Crazy Emails For September 16, 2007

I don't care what anyone says, she didn't look that bad!

These guys really shouldn't sit next to each other...

Uhhhh....I'm not hungry any more.

Uhhhh....I think it's your turn to take out the trash!

But I'll do your laundry for you!

Ooooohhhh, honey. 

Are you sure you want to take me to such a fancy restaurant?

New Patriots Team Logo

Oh, Darn It!

You can pick your friends...

Well, if you insist...


Quote of the Week

~Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised ~

People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did,

But people will never forget how you made them feel 




Crazy Emails For September 9, 2007

Senator Craig Bashing

Every Dog Has His Day!

Best Water Temperature Chart I've Ever Seen!

New movie starring the Chicago Bears' Lance Briggs

Nice Tattoo!

I sure would like to eat this guy.

Is it Friday yet?


Quote of the Week

"The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it."

– William James, psychologist

Joke of the Week

A wife is at home when she suddenly hears a knock on the door. When she opens the door a man asks her if she has a vagina, the woman slams the door in disbelief of what a stranger has just asked her.

The same thing happens three consecutive days and the woman decides to tells her husband. The husband says to the wife; "Tomorrow I am not going to work and when the man asks if you have a vagina say yes and I will be hiding behind the door."

The next day the same man comes again and when the woman opens the door he asks if she has the vagina and the woman says yes; the man then said to the woman, "Good, then please tell your husband to stop screwing my wife."


Crazy Emails For September 2, 2007

Tough luck for Mike Vick!

Karma Sheetra

Moments Before  The Massacre!

Cool Tattoos!

Finally my dog can hold my hand when we go for a walk!

Couples who shouldn't hyphenate their names!


Quote of the Week

"You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do."

– Henry Ford, automaker


Joke of the Week

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.  Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.  After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- a perfect night for romance.  As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck

The only survivor was an incredibly sexy blonde lady.

That evening, the man introduced the new girl to the evening beach ritual.  It was another beautiful evening -- red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze -- perfect for a night of romance.  Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again.  He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to the sexy gal and cautiously whispered in her ear...

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"


Nice Emails of the Week



Crazy Email Archives

August 2007

July, 2007

June, 2007

May, 2007

April, 2007

March, 2007

February, 2007

January, 2007

December, 2006

November, 2006

October, 2006

September, 2006

August, 2006

July, 2006

June, 2006

May, 2006

April, 2006

March, 2006

February, 2006

January, 2006

December, 2005

November, 2005

October, 2005

September, 2005

August, 2005

July, 2005

June, 2005

May, 2005

April, 2005

March, 2005

February, 2005

January, 2005

December, 2004

November, 2004

October, 2004

September, 2004

August, 2004

July, 2004

June, 2004

May, 2004

April, 2004

March, 2004

February, 2004

January, 2004

December, 2003

November, 2003

October, 2003

September, 2003

August, 2003

July, 2003

June, 2003

May, 2003

April, 2003

March, 2003

February, 2003

January, 2003

December, 2002

November, 2002

October, 2002

September, 2002

August, 2002

July, 2002

June, 2002

May, 2002

April, 2002

March, 2002

February, 2002

January, 2002

December, 2001

November, 2001

October, 2001

September, 2001

July, 2001

June, 2001

May, 2001

April, 2001

March, 2001

February, 2001

January, 2001









On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits!


Help Support!!




Free counters provided by

  Your Ad Here

ShortArmGuy Home

Feedback for me?

Suggestions for site improvements?

Funny jokes, audio files, video files that I can post here?

Links to inspirational sites?

Naked pictures of yourself or your girlfriend?

Email me at

Copyright © 2007 by Swank! Productions --- All rights reserved