Welcome To Shortarmguy.com!

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. "

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again. ONE, TWO, THREE, UGH!" all night long.

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed."

I hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas. I look forward to coming in on Monday mornings to view these. I don’t know where you get your material but I can always count on a great laugh.

For those who are stressed and need a break away from the day to day hustle and bustle; how about a Korean beach holiday this summer?

"The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win. "

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,

"You know what? "You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.

For years you have made me, my colleagues and anyone one I can drag in front of my computer, laugh on days when laughter is most needed. I work in Radiology, in CAT scan and believe me, some things we see on a daily basis, need to be washed away with a good guffaw. We can always find one on your site and for this we thank you.

Today though, I wish to share with you a video that was forwarded to me. It is not funny, but more amazing in its insight and perspective. I present to you Canada's, if not the worlds, gutsiest individual. She is 13 years old, from Vancouver, as I can gather from the clip, and she has something that all your viewers should hear and share and seriously think of.

Hey SAG-

I've been following your site for too many years to remember and always love the new pics, vids and comments you place on your site. Like most people, sometimes not everyday is awesome and when these times have hit my life, i have found myself distracted by what's going on in real life by going to your site. Thanks for the continued awesomeness and I came across this link that made me giggle at fart jokes again. If you have to the time, check it out--it is too funny to pass!

Tom Madrid

"It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going."

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and
tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving
a hearse for the last 25 years."

My name is Ryan. I work in Omaha Nebraska a few miles from the Westroads Mall where the Von Maur shootings took place. Last Friday (2 days after the shootings) curiosity got the better of me and I decided that I would drive by the mall on my way back home to Fremont. I knew that the area had been blocked off the day after, and wasn't sure if I could get close enough. They in fact had the area out in front of the store opened up. It was really chilling to stand there looking at the makeshift memorials knowing that less that 48 hours ago 9 people had lost their lives so tragically. I took a few pictures with my camera phone, but they didn't turn out so well. A nice lady by the name of Charity, who is a local photographer was kind enough to e-mail me the pictures that she took over the course of the next few days. Her only stipulation was that I share these pictures so people won't forget the tragedy that happened on that Wednesday, so I am doing just that. There are several high res. pictures, so I will send them in three groups. Take care, Happy Holidays and keep up the good work.

Why I had to stop dating my last girlfriend...she insisted I do stuff like this!

RECTUM STRETCHER

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a
bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I
work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch it , until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face....... PRICELESS
For everything else, there's MasterCard!

"The people who get on in this world are the ones who get up and look for the circumstances they want and, if they can't find them, make them."