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Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails

Crazy Emails For January 27, 2008

With the wind chill, it's been between 30 and 40 below zero all week here in Minnesota!

Excuse Me?

I gotta get one of these bumper stickers...

Which direction?


Dang!  I'm in trouble...

Remember this from your first grade reader?

See DICK Run

I'm guessing the marriage didn't last long...

I guess this is a pretty effective technique...



Quote of the Week

"Control your own destiny or someone else will. "

-- Jack Welch, executive

Joke of the Week


Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.

'Hello?' she cried, but no answer. 

'Is there anyone here?' she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared because there were no brain cells around, and she yelled at the top of her voice,


Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away............


'We're down here.'

Nice Email of the Week

Dude, I stumbled-upon your site, and you are awesome.

I loved all the funny stuff and your legend!!!

Really awesome, here I am with a normal life and crying about the lost bits in it,and there you are making your life a hit.

Man, do you wonder, how many people must think about you at least once a day with good thoughts in their mind and how many people almost committed suicide but did not, after they visited your site.

You rock + you have an insane sense of humour.

Keep on doing what you do and I hope you become famous, not that you already aren't are.


Hi there short arm dude. 

I have enjoyed your site for some time now, about three years or so.  My name is Marshall and I have this website myself that me and my friend Wayne have been working on.  It's and me and Wayne have been trying to make a podcast every week and post them on the site.  Just so you know, me, Wayne and the site are not selling anything.  This site is completely funded by myself.  I am an accountant for the Rehabilitation Services for the Missouri Blind and Wayne is a financial liaison for the state government.  Thanks sir.  Have a wonderful weekend and I hope to hear from ya' soon. 

Ps. Keep up the work!  Your site is very entertaining.
Creator and Host of the Broken Home Podcast


Signs in the Workplace

I gotta try this.

I Love Chinese Food!

I Loves Me Some Alligators.

Smart Mouse

Steady.  Steady.....

Summertime in London

Scary Street


Quote of the Week

“In a time of drastic change, it is the learners who inherit the future.”

– Eric Hoffer, philosopher

Joke of the Week

Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a
packet of condoms at the pharmacy.

There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she
could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I
knew how to wear one. I honestly answered,' No. this is my first time'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over
her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I
apparently still looked confused.. So she looked all around the store to
see if it was empty. It was empty. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked
to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.' Do these excite
you?' she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod
my head.

She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it
on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a
desk.' Well, come on', she said,' We don't have much time.' So I climbed
on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold
back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown.' Did you put that condom on?' she
asked. I said,' I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted!!!

Nice Email of the Week

Hey I loved that clip of the two guys catfishing!  That's doing in in style...

Here's a clip of some girls enjoying that same sport.  Apparently it's called "grabblin" or "noodlin".  After a short animation sequence, you get to see some scantily clad young ladies get shaken around by some big fish!  Set to music..   What's not to love?



Hey Todd!

Can your dog do this???

We sure got enough Minnesota snow for it!




Candidates for Parents of the Year

Question: How much does a house weigh?


Answer: More than a rural two lane bridge can hold.

How to castrate yourself while driving a jeep...


Quote of the Week

“He who has begun has half done. Dare to be wise – begin!”

– Horace, poet, satirist

Joke of the Week

The Plan

One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is."

Nice Email of the Week


Hi! I have a great posting to go on your website. I placed this ad about two weeks ago and now it’s getting national attention. It’s even on CNN and FoxNews! How’s the family? Tell everyone we say hi!!

'Meanest mom on the planet'

Kelli Madson

Cool Business Cards

I had a dream just like this back in 7th grade....

This guy is going for the 2008 Darwin Awards.

Now I see why Scruffy has been feeling sick...

Scottish Stool

Election 2008 Fun

Just Blow


Quote of the Week

“Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road.”

– Dag Hammarskjold, UN secretary-general

Joke of the Week

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.  I could tell from

his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, resumed his position  in the hall, and slept for an hour.  This continued for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:
"Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep.  Can I come with him tomorrow?"


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On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits!


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